A couple from Kent has concluded that their middle child should be abandoned, perhaps in a forest, a maze or an abandoned warehouse. The decision follows a cost-benefit analysis of their individual offspring. Ian and Kate Jones are part of a growing wave of UK families opting to reject an economically unviable child based on an aggregate of maternal and paternal love [read...]
Internet entrepreneurs have launched a highly lucrative new business in which teenagers can rent cool parents to impress their school friends.
A wide range of super-cool substitute parents can be viewed online, where they can be searched according to a whole range of musical and fashion criteria. [read...]
Morons with no attention span who are too fucking useless to bring their children up properly have welcomed the discovery that attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), often referred to as ‘Little Bastard Syndrome’, is genetic in origin rather than the result of bad parenting. [read...]
The government has announced that a new supervisory authority will be established to monitor parental bragging rights. OfBoast will mainly seek to restore a level playing field in the market for offspring accomplishment, and will have a statutory duty to protect the public from child-centred gloating. [read...]