The Association of Chief Police Officers (ACPO) has suggested that by monitoring the ‘alcohol induced’ ramblings of the ‘average Geordie’ in a ‘drunk tank’ Ministers could be provided with a range of inspired policy ideas. [read...]
Through a diet of Peter Mandelson and regular exercise – running from his socialist principles – Labour’s deputy leader has revealed he is clear of all leftist tendencies. A slim-line Mr. Watson told reporters never again would he succumb to starchy trade unions or refined nationalization [read...]
Scientists have found traces of, what they believe to be, the world’s most cringe-worthy piece of televisual schmaltz. The main culprits are a choreographed missed cue by Tess Daly, a pun involving the offside-trap by Gary Lineker or Jo Coburn smiling to camera. [read...]
Footballing legend and part-time philosopher Eric Cantona has been offered a plum role leading Brexit negotiations with the EU, it has been confirmed today. Boris Johnson is said to have been highly impressed with Cantona’s speech this week at the UEFA Champions League draw, [read...]
Barclays’ business customers will now be able to log on by scanning the unique pattern of their veins; or as one banker described it as ‘…the fast track to their life essence’. Slumbering in their coffins by day, [read...]
