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Posts Tagged ‘parody’

Hard Working Families to be given extra votes

it's all about getting up again tomorrowNow that the entire General Election revolves around glowing generalities, a cross-party committee of MPs has agreed that greater representation should be given to positive, abstract concepts. So with the last day of voter registration looming fast, all spare votes will be distributed among those impossible-to-prove beliefs such as the ‘common good’, ‘patriotism’ and ‘Britain’s Got Talent’.

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Posted: Apr 20th, 2015
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Social media survey reveals no one cares about your exercise updates

The damning results of the survey which polled all users everywhere, confirm public fears that exercise and gym related ‘boasting’ is now the third most irritating status update, just behind pictures of your nauseating pets or the latest Jamie Oliver recipe you slopped onto a square plate.

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Posted: Apr 20th, 2015
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Farage accuses left foot of being left wing

the choice is simple, ask yourself; 'Do I need this?'Nigel Farage has vowed to shoot himself in the foot after accusing it of being ‘a socialist’. UKIP supporters were concerned when Mr Farage started addressing his left foot as ‘Michael’ and accusing it of treachery. He also addressed his right foot as ‘Margaret’, stroking it lovingly in an interview on Breakfast Time.

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Posted: Apr 19th, 2015
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Most emails now delivered by van

In a shocking waste of resources, figures released today suggest that £103bn of online shopping has fuelled a boom in transit sales. Rather than use virtual means to buy and sell goods, many entrepreneurs are relying on vans to transport their messages and have even resorted to using carrier pigeons to send invoices.

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Posted: Apr 19th, 2015
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Nicola Sturgeon to ride joint-favourite ‘Mister Ed’ at Scottish Grand National

‘I rode Mister Ed on Thursday’ said Sturgeon. ‘He didn’t seem to like me riding him so hard at first. Then I explained to him that if it came down to a photo-finish with the joint-favourite ‘Dangerous Dave’ he would need my help to win and he soon got the bit between his teeth.

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Posted: Apr 18th, 2015
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