The news written by you…

Posts Tagged ‘parody’

Cats still to decide on inside or outside referendum

The National Cat Association (NCA) has admitted that there is still no consensus about whether they want the free-market roaming that the garden represents or the warm monetary union offered by the airing cupboard.  A spokes-cat said: ‘We didn’t expect a swift decision; to be honest, it could be years.  What we will say is that shouting at us will not make it any quicker’.

Those in favour of staying indoors have said the deal has been sweetened by their German owner, offering additional squatting rights with any cardboard box, computer keyboard or lap of their choice.

Read more >

Posted: Nov 22nd, 2015
More from Lifestyle

John Lewis penguin escapes forced marriage hell

never knowingly taken up the aisleA female penguin has hit out against retail giant John Lewis for what is being described as a ‘forced and highly illegal marriage’ between herself and ‘Monty’, co-star of the widely anticipated Christmas commercial released last week. The flightless bird, who hit headlines for her brief appearance in the advert, claims the whole setup was against her will, and that she intends to press charges against the well-known high street chain.

Read more >

Posted: Nov 7th, 2015
More from From The Archives

Police vow crackdown on Jane Austen ‘coquette’ culture

Police appealing for a bit of common sense, and sensibilitySurrey police have embarked on an ambitious campaign to try to curb the rising phenomenon of anti-social incidents involving young women emulating behaviour they’ve picked up from the novels of Jane Austen.

Read more >

Posted: Nov 6th, 2015
More from From The Archives

Tax credits cause cancer, claims Osborne

In a surprise announcement by the Chancellor, the British public have been warned that suckling on the welfare teat is worse than ‘smoking processed meats’. George Osborne has defended his decision to cut tax credits as an attempt to save lives, combat salami-handouts and low-wage beef jerky.

A spokesman for Mr. Osborne said: ‘We’ve been trying to warn the public, that the welfare state is bad for your health – particularly with our funding of the NHS. Pensions can cause diabetes. Your Housing Allowance will give your herpes. And Disability Benefit causes…um…well…disability’.

Read more >

Posted: Oct 30th, 2015
More from Politics

De Agostini to publish the Chilcot report in one thousand monthly parts

‘Month by month, you will learn about the build up to the Iraq war, the spurious evidence that was used to justify it, and the disastrous aftermath for the whole Middle-Eastern region’ said Sir John, ‘ Creating an encyclopedic record that you and your family will treasure for ever.’

Read more >

Posted: Oct 30th, 2015
More from News In Brief