Mrs Worth has now been forced to completely reconsider her voting strategy.  ’I used to vote for whoever had the nicest smile,’ she said, ‘but they all have such lovely smiles.  Each candidate was very well turned out with nice white teeth, well combed hair and pretty coloured rosettes. How can I possibly chose between them?’

‘Even their policies were nice,’  she continued,  ‘they all advocate fairness, justice and a brighter tomorrow.  I am so completely torn. They were all so lovely and and I really don’t want to offend any of them.  I suppose I shall just have to vote for the BNP instead.’

rscott303

Secret documents leaked by a Conservative Party insider have revealed that Leader of the Opposition David Cameron and Liberal leadership hopeful Nick Clegg are actually one and the same person.

‘You never saw them in a room together did you…’ conceded BBC political editor Nick Robinson who admitted to having missed the identity scam that had the entire Westminster village completely fooled. Cameron’s original motivation had apparently been to infiltrate the rival Liberal Democrats and undermine Menzies Campbell from within. However he was so successful that Campbell was forced to resign and his alter-ego of Clegg became the front runner to lead Britain’s third party.

‘It is incredible that David Cameron got away with this for so long; but all credit for inventing someone so completely different to himself,’ commented Robinson. ‘David is a clean-shaven upper middle-class white man in a suit, whereas Nick Clegg is, well on that front they were the same. But Cameron went to Eton, whereas Clegg was educated at Westminster. Cameron went to Oxford while Clegg went to Cambridge, Cameron is forty, while Clegg is thirty-nine. The differences just go on and on…’

The irony is that while both prominent politicians were haranguing the government about identity theft, one of them was an invented character based on forged personal details. Labour have said that the identity theft makes Cameron unfit for high office, and are now looking at Clegg’s tax policies to see if there are any that they can add to the ones they stole from Cameron.

Meanwhile rival Liberal leadership contender Chris Huhne says the whole episode has confirmed why Nick Clegg can’t be new Liberal Democrat leader, although it may not have been Chris Huhne, it may have been George Osborne just pretending to be a prominent Liberal.