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Posts Tagged ‘pensioners’

Spontaneous combustion threat to elderly this winter, Government warns

‘When you’re wearing as much knitwear and tweed as some pensioners, just turning the central heating up a notch too high can easily spell disaster.’

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Posted: Sep 26th, 2011
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Isle of Wight opens ‘CodgerWorld’, Britain’s first theme park for the elderly

‘Our centre offers the perfect place to keep the island’s key demographic occupied,’ said founder, Margret Briscoe, ‘and is ideally situated just a short bus ride from Sandown’s glamorous benches, bingo halls and fracture clinic.’

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Posted: Apr 14th, 2011
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Campaign launched to fight for ‘right to become senile’

Soon-to-be pensioners have reacted with disappointment at the increase in the retirement age and are planning a challenge under the Human Rights Act, claiming that the Government is denying them their sacred right to descend into obscurity, social isolation and dementia by raising the retirement age.

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Posted: Jan 17th, 2011
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Police step-up hunt for pensioner’s missing sock

Police say the sock is ‘blue and shaped like a foot’ and went missing while in transit between Mr Smith’s laundry basket and his washing machine. Mr Smith believes ‘someone walked off’ with it.

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Posted: Jan 6th, 2011
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Sacked charity shop worker ‘didn’t fuss about enough’

Charity shop worker Gladys Evans, 72, was sacked for gross misconduct after ‘failing to demonstrate the required levels of unnecessary activity’, a disciplinary tribunal was told today.

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Posted: Nov 20th, 2010
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