Defence Secretary Philip Hammond says that poor people in Britain should do more to help to kill poor people in other countries by taking a cut in their welfare benefits to allow much-needed funds for the armed forces.
Posted: Mar 4th, 2013
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‘Increasing the speed limit would reduce the journey time from the sun to the earth from its current sluggish 8 minutes and 19 seconds, bringing enormous economic benefits by increasing the amount of sunlight we receive and potentially lengthening the day.’
Posted: Sep 10th, 2012
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Defence Secretary Philip Hammond has today announced that the Royal Milk Tray Regiment is to be disbanded with immediate effect. The regiment, famed for their daring heroics in delivering boxes of chocolates to ladies who loved Milk Tray, had fallen out of favour with the public and the MoD, and had seen little active service of late.
Posted: Aug 29th, 2012
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‘Peston’s role will be to reconnoitre enemy terrain, identify Taliban insurgents and then subdue them by talking for hours in his excruciatingly slow, dull monotone,’ explained the Defence Secretary.
Posted: Jul 12th, 2012
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‘If we’d known that soldiers weren’t being provided with the correct style of ergonomic chair or that the temperature in the workplace was so high, we’d have shut the place down in a jiffy.’
Posted: Dec 10th, 2011
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