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Posts Tagged ‘pillow fight’

US launch massive pillow offensive

The US Army confirmed today that it was sending dozens of ‘advisors’ to the Middle East armed with ‘state of the art’ 100% Hungarian white goose feathers. ‘We have expertise garnered that other military forces struggle to gain,’ said the Commandant of West Point. ‘For example, you’d think the Chinese burn was likely to be a Chinese speciality – but we’re better.’

These fighting techniques have been developed from the British Public School sector and copies of the Beano. ‘Remove the feathers, foam, whatever; then insert your body armour or shield if you happen to be a superhero,’ said a West Point spokesman, ‘and then kick the living shit out of your opposition,’ he added.

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Posted: Sep 6th, 2015
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Putin approves gay-snow-balling and pillow-fighting-on-ice at Sochi

heartfelt appeal to all Olympic Village peopleIn what is seen as a callous attempt to gain world approval for the Winter Olympic Games in Sochi following criticism of its anti-gay legislation, Russia has put forward gay-snow-balling and pillow-fighting-on-ice as new Winter Olympic disciplines.

The Russian leader, Vladimir Putin personally approved the new disciplines at the International Defence Exhibition in Yalta. Sitting bare chested and astride the nozzle of an OT-3 flame throwing tank he said, ‘Russia is not a homo-phobic country. Just look at the Gulags where many gay people enjoy snow-balling and frolicking around in temperatures of -40C. Gay snow balling will be a big attraction in Sochi too, however the use of ear muffs and mittens is out of the question.’

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Posted: Jan 10th, 2014
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