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Posts Tagged ‘police’

Tough American cop fails to find informant in strip joint

"Nothing of interest here. I guess I'll just move along."When Seargeant Roy Myers of Precinct 14 on the mean streets of East Rutherford, New Jersey, heard that Joey ‘Fingers’ Dalessandro might know something about a recent spate of gangland murders, his sources told him that he would be sure to find his man at the Little Darlings strip joint on Highway 36. His sources were wrong.

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Posted: Sep 25th, 2014
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Glaswegian attack victim slams ‘rubbish’ muggers

Och, take it, nae bother.Three Glaswegian lads jump me, and the worst they’ve done is damage ma’ pride in the local fightin’ talent. They were a total disgrace.

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Posted: Sep 15th, 2014
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Criminals asked to push themselves down the stairs by ‘over-worked’ police

Goodbye, Goodbye, GoodbyeAn inspection of police forces in England and Wales has reported that crime suspects are being asked to racially abuse themselves, plant their own incriminating evidence, and if the police are really busy, push themselves down the stairs on the way to the holding cells.

Offenders everywhere are protesting at further degradation to an already limited service. ‘Really, service is parlous,’ complained career criminal, Cecil ‘Nutter’ Smythe, from Gosport. ‘It is almost as if the police aren’t there. How are we supposed to rest easy knowing that some activities such as car crime are being effectively decriminalised?’

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Posted: Sep 5th, 2014
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Raid at Sir Cliff Richard’s house found ‘disturbing calendar images’

Over fifty prospective images for a planned 2015 calendar were discovered on hard-drives and mobile phone devices during the dawn bust, some of which have already been classed as ‘Category A’ and ‘totally gross’.

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Posted: Aug 16th, 2014
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Crime victims urged to look less ‘victimmy’

‘We’re very busy and we really don’t need the hassle of investigating crimes against wimps who, frankly, invite it,’ a Met spokesman said. ‘When you consider how much crime is caused by people looking like victims, really we should be charging them with wasting police time.’

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Posted: Aug 15th, 2014
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