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Posts Tagged ‘police’

Police apologise for referring to tattoos as ‘distinctive’

could be anyone...A police spokesman has issued a public apology today for recent reports suggesting that certain suspects had ‘distinctive tattoos’. ‘For example, we recently stated that a suspect wanted in connection with a triple murder had a distinctive spider’s web tattoo on his neck. ‘It has been confirmed that this narrowed the list of suspects in the UK to around 500,000 people, predominantly male, many below the age of thirty-six and with an IQ of 90 or less.

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Posted: Jun 1st, 2015
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Social workers to be fast-tracked to a nervous breakdown

best to get it over with quickly, says governmentStudents will be air-dropped, naked, into the most challenging urban areas in the country

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Posted: May 19th, 2015
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Siege ends after Edstone gives itself up

A three-day stand-off between police and Ed Miliband’s pledge stone, which had been holed up in a South-East London warehouse since Friday, has ended when the stone gave itself up.

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Posted: May 18th, 2015
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Shipbuilder-turned-zookeeper arrested in incest ring accusation

Avon & Somerset Police have confirmed that they are holding a Middle Eastern man on suspicion of being the patriarch of a vast family where incestuous sex is commonplace. The man, known only as ‘N’, was originally charged with keeping a zoo without a licence, holding animals in overcrowded conditions and illegally parking a boat in an area of outstanding natural beauty.

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Posted: Apr 9th, 2015
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Police closing in on Britain’s most notorious queue-jumper

queue jumper: police closing inPolice believe they are close to apprehending Britain’s most notorious queue-jumper after a nationwide hunt lasting five years.

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Posted: Mar 21st, 2015
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