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Posts Tagged ‘police’

Derby steels itself for Derby v. Derby derby

The town of Derby is preparing for an iconic football match this weekend, in which its home team plays itself in the 111th Derby v. Derby derby. The Derby-Derby derby has ended in a goalless draw every year since 1902, but the tantalising chance that one team, probably Derby, could come out on top, keeps fans on edge.

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Posted: Sep 28th, 2013
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Missing teen found safe in a world of her own

No trace was found of her meeting strangers over the internet or on CCTV cameras at railway stations, so the police contacted psychologists who advised them that she might be in a world of her own.

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Posted: Sep 24th, 2013
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‘Drunk Tanks’ to replace Government ‘Think Tanks’

won't remember a thing about his new initiative in the morningThe Association of Chief Police Officers (ACPO) has suggested that by monitoring the ‘alcohol induced’ ramblings of the ‘average Geordie’ in a ‘drunk tank’ Ministers could be provided with a range of inspired policy ideas.

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Posted: Sep 18th, 2013
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Police on hunt for MP seen sticking to principles

‘Ms Lucas has been reported flashing her values for all to see,’ said a spokesman for Sussex constabulary. ‘This is a clear attempt to expose the young and impressionable to the concept of duty, solidarity and lentil soup. Clearly she must be stopped.’

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Posted: Aug 21st, 2013
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Belfast needs to be ‘more ginger, gay and Cockney’

Northern Ireland’s Chief Constable Matt Baggott has said that the only way the province can have a peaceful marching season is by sporting a red fluorescent mullet while wearing a lycra onesie covered in ‘mother of pearl’ buttons.

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Posted: Aug 12th, 2013
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