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Posts Tagged ‘Politics’

Jeremy Corbyn enters Labour race in an alternate Universe

Labour having to boldly go where no party has gone before to find a new leaderScience fiction and socialism fans alike, have been delighted to discover that in a hypothetical self-contained reality there exists an actual left-wing candidate. The Member of Parliament for Islington North has managed to secure enough nominations to get on the ballot, but only in a parallel universe where there is compassion, collective responsibility and where we are ruled by a race of four-foot high, furry, purple bipeds all named ‘Michael Foot’.

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Posted: Jun 16th, 2015
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Greek economy requires sacrifice to the Gods, says IMF

In his strongest language to date, the chairman of the International Monetary Fund has declared that Greece ‘urgently’ needs to slaughter at least 100 heifers to Zeus in order to improve macroeconomic variables affecting the Greek recovery.

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Posted: Jun 3rd, 2015
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EU diplomatic ‘shit list’ drawn up by the Tourism Board, say Kremlin

Grab a bargain now before prices fall!A Russian foreign ministry official has today contradicted reports that a list of ‘banned’ politicians was a result of EU sanctions against Russia. ‘Not at all. It is a simple attempt to support our gentrification process by excluding undesirables who are likely to detract from Russia’s reputation as a lovely place to visit and live.’

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Posted: May 31st, 2015
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Tories threaten to finish what they started‏

The meek? Jesus was a silly Socialist...Buoyed by an endorsement from representatives of 5,000 small businesses, the Conservative Party has pledged to put a ‘food bank on every street corner’. Not content with four years of misery, David Cameron hopes to continue with his vision of low interest rates, low inflation and low self-esteem for any graduate looking for a job.

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Posted: Apr 27th, 2015
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Hard Working Families to be given extra votes

it's all about getting up again tomorrowNow that the entire General Election revolves around glowing generalities, a cross-party committee of MPs has agreed that greater representation should be given to positive, abstract concepts. So with the last day of voter registration looming fast, all spare votes will be distributed among those impossible-to-prove beliefs such as the ‘common good’, ‘patriotism’ and ‘Britain’s Got Talent’.

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Posted: Apr 20th, 2015
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