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Posts Tagged ‘Politics’

Assad ‘the best value dictator for Western interests’, says Which Tyrant report

Inexperienced politicians are buying into the wrong foreign tyrants, with ‘shockingly expensive consequences’, says a report from Which Tyrant Magazine, which quantifies how western interests are best served.

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Posted: Sep 9th, 2014
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Criminals asked to push themselves down the stairs by ‘over-worked’ police

Goodbye, Goodbye, GoodbyeAn inspection of police forces in England and Wales has reported that crime suspects are being asked to racially abuse themselves, plant their own incriminating evidence, and if the police are really busy, push themselves down the stairs on the way to the holding cells.

Offenders everywhere are protesting at further degradation to an already limited service. ‘Really, service is parlous,’ complained career criminal, Cecil ‘Nutter’ Smythe, from Gosport. ‘It is almost as if the police aren’t there. How are we supposed to rest easy knowing that some activities such as car crime are being effectively decriminalised?’

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Posted: Sep 5th, 2014
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Government raises UK bullshit threat level to ‘severe’

The UK’s bullshit threat level has been raised from ‘substantial’ to ‘severe’ meaning that the possibility of impending bullshit is highly likely.

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Posted: Sep 3rd, 2014
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Cameron raises terror threat level from ‘Boring’ to ‘Arms industry needs sales’

Some members of the public have found the whole process strangely reminiscent of ‘…pretty much every time a Government wants to justify going to war’. One déjà vu victim said: ‘It’s odd the things we are supposed to be scared of. The UK sells Weapons of Mass Destruction to the Middle East for decades – all is calm. Saddam Hussein pretends to have some – the shit hits the fan.

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Posted: Sep 1st, 2014
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Cull bottom 5% to improve average GDP, says Osborne

‘By culling a relatively small number of people, we can rapidly get ahead of Belgium. Scottish independence would have a similar effect but we really need the Scots to stay – they make such excellent cannon-fodder.’

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Posted: Aug 12th, 2014
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