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Posts Tagged ‘Politics’

Cable only got into politics because of mid-life crisis

‘There I was, chief economist at Shell, good salary,’ said Cable, ‘but the second I hit the big 4-0 I knew it wasn’t enough. I needed some excitement in my life. Only becoming a Liberal Democrat MP could slake that thirst.’

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Posted: Jul 2nd, 2014
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Ed Balls denies involvement in slow motion car crash

Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls has strenuously denied any responsibility for a slow motion car crash taking place in Westminster.

Mr Balls was summonsed by Labour Party authorities to explain why he did not report the accident, which began when passenger Ed Miliband seized the wheel from his brother David in 2010, causing the vehicle to lurch awkwardly all over the place.

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Posted: Jun 22nd, 2014
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Tony Blair launches massive airbrush strike on Iraq

Former UK prime minister Tony Blair has launched a massive air-brush strike on the causes of the violent insurgency now gripping Iraq.

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Posted: Jun 16th, 2014
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IDS stays in bed with curtains closed, neighbours say

‘It’s since he made a balls of Universal Credits,’ said one. ‘It’s the only proper job he’s had and he knows nobody will employ him in future.’

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Posted: Jun 8th, 2014
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Lord Rennard to play Cyril Smith in Lib Dem biopic

‘Cyril was brilliant at connecting with young voters, especially young men,’ said an excited Lord Rennard. ‘Similarly, I have succeeded in getting into more young women at parties – er, I mean getting more young women into the party.’

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Posted: Jun 2nd, 2014
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