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Academic claims Jessie J ‘only 94% lesbian’
‘A much more precise figure for Jessie’s lesbianism is 93.759%,’ said Professor Edward Simpson of the Institute of Sensual Calculus. [read...]
Tagged Pop music
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Music industry admits: ‘We’ve run out of songs’
The music industry has today conceded that the reason all modern songs sound the same is because they ran out of new songs more than a decade ago. [read...]
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Proclaimers’ 1,000-mile walk to woman’s door ends in harassment charge
Musicians Craig and Charlie Reid were last night charged with aggravated sexual harassment. It is alleged that the Scottish twins had walked 500 miles and then walked 500 more to throw themselves at the feet of Jennifer Davenport, [read...]
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George Michael announces comeback arrest
Pop singer George Michael has announced plans for a brand new string of arrests later this year as part of a 47-incident tour that will see him accompanied to police stations throughout Europe by a symphony orchestra. [read...]
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Doctors discover vaccine for Bieber fever
Medical researchers have discovered a vaccine that could eradicate Bieber Fever within a generation, finally silencing the hysterical screams of the condition’s prepubescent female victims. [read...]