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Posts Tagged ‘Pope’

Pope’s ex-butler pleads ‘lock me up’ after Vatican threatens ‘almighty kicking’

benedictus sanctusFormer papal butler Paolo Gabriele has broken down in an Italian court and begged to be locked up, after receiving threats from the Vatican to ‘make that scene from Reservoir Dogs look like a Harvest f*cking Festival.’

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Posted: Sep 30th, 2012
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Beatification may be just down the road for the Olympic Flame

With a little over a week to go before the games’ opening ceremony, the Pope is to fast-track an application for recognition of the Olympic Flame as a Saint.

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Posted: Jul 16th, 2012
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Fears that Prayer Super Collider may usher in Apocalypse

The prayers are to be fired in opposite directions at enormous speeds through the 12 kilometre Prayer Super Collider ring buried deep below Salt Lake City, Utah, in the most ambitious theological experiment since the Pope and the Archbishop of Canterbury met head-on in the Large Hadron Collider.

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Posted: Jun 26th, 2012
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Tough-on-crime Vatican confirms: ‘The butler did it’.

The Vatican today trumpeted its zero tolerance approach to crime as the Pope’s butler, Paolo Gabriele, was taken into custody, charged with borrowing pieces of paper that show what the Vatican is really getting up to.

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Posted: May 26th, 2012
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Pope calls for glorious Cuban revolution

mugs readily availableThe Cubans have a new hero this morning who has given them a new direction, a new philosophy, and a new will to rise up against their political masters and proclaim their rights as individuals in a collective kind of way, as long as it’s OK with him.

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Posted: Mar 29th, 2012
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