Friends and neighbours in the Ealing were surprised today to find out that former greengrocer Albert Thomas, 85, was the ruthless ISIS executioner ‘Jihadi John’. ‘He was a quiet bloke,’ said one, ‘Not really the type you would expect to decapitate hostages in cold blood, video it and then broadcast pictures around the world.’
Posted: Mar 2nd, 2015
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Hundreds of Page 3 girls were seen fleeing from The Sun offices today. It is thought some may have escaped from their captors while others were freed as The Mail Online closed in on its territory. The two groups have recently been engaged in a fierce battle, forcing The Sun to retreat to the moral high-ground.
One witness described the scene as ‘chaos’ as the girls, many of them emaciated, half-clothed and barely out of childhood, ran from the paper’s headquarters in Fleet Street and were bundled into nearby taxis. Nothing is known of the fate of a smaller number of Page 7 fellas previously abducted from various stripping dance troupes, who remain missing.
Posted: Jan 21st, 2015
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A government think-tank set up to review technological advances has declared that almost all technologies for which great predictions were made in the 1970s – such as flying cars and robot butlers – have been disappointments, with the sole exception of pornography.
Posted: Oct 22nd, 2014
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A teenager has spoken of his joy in resurrecting the tradition of finding porn in the woods and with the iPad that it came on. Andy Bridges, 14, was scouring the bushes in a wooded area near his home after his father told him that the internet has made it too easy for youngsters to access naked ladies.
Posted: Dec 9th, 2013
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The Government has today proposed an opt-in system for vegetarian shoppers who wish to log on to supermarket sites and see explicit images of Quorn.
Posted: Jul 29th, 2013
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