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Posts Tagged ‘prayer’

‘Amen’ must be pronounced with ‘ah’ sound, tweets God

God has confirmed, via his official Twitter account, that with immediate effect only prayers ending with Amen pronounced correctly, with an ‘ah-’ at the start rather than an ‘ay-’ will actually count.’ I have become increasingly disturbed with the number of you who are using #amen without understanding how to pronounce it. #learntospeak #ayholes #amen,’ He tweeted.

This was picked up and retweeted over 300,000 times in 24 hours, with many people confused about exactly what God had meant and how He wanted it pronounced. But God cleared this up soon after by retweeting @harry_uk_croydon’s tweet: ‘RT @harry_uk_croydon: SHUT UP FUCKERS, it’s AH-MEN, AY-MEN is just FUCKING STUPID #amen #ayholes”, which God soon followed by posting: “New #commandment. If thou say ay-men thou will get DOUBLE THE CANCER. #ayholes #amen.’

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Posted: Nov 11th, 2015
More from Faith

US Ebola missionary saved by ‘advanced experimental prayer’

US missionary Dr Kent Bradley was said today to be recovering at home after being given the all-clear after his prayers beat a nasty case of Ebola he picked up while working as a missionary in Liberia.

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Posted: Aug 23rd, 2014
More from News In Brief

Fears that Prayer Super Collider may usher in Apocalypse

The prayers are to be fired in opposite directions at enormous speeds through the 12 kilometre Prayer Super Collider ring buried deep below Salt Lake City, Utah, in the most ambitious theological experiment since the Pope and the Archbishop of Canterbury met head-on in the Large Hadron Collider.

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Posted: Jun 26th, 2012
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Search now on for those who prayed for Muamba’s collapse in the first place

Messi next: Quarter finals: Brazil 2014With concern for Fabrice Muamba’s welfare subsiding, the police have formally announced that the search is already underway for those who must have prayed that he suddenly collapse with a heart condition in order for it to happen in the first place.

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Posted: Mar 21st, 2012
More from UK News

God denies prayer-response targets have been missed

‘Almighty’ God has admitted to being ‘a bit behind’ with his workload, but denies that the stringent turnaround targets He was originally committed to have been missed.

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Posted: Dec 14th, 2010
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