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Posts Tagged ‘Premier League’

Sturridge in cotton wool collision horror

Liverpool ace Daniel Sturridge has been ruled out of contention for six weeks after a terrifying accident at his home. The injury was sustained when the striker tripped and fell into several giant balls of fluffy cotton wool, which the club use to line the walls of his house following recommendations from leading medical specialists. A team of surgeons was called in to assess the latest damage to Sturridge. They gave him a sicknote to take to Anfield, but unfortunately he sustained paper cuts as he was handing the document over to Liverpool’s new manager Jurgen Klopp.

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Posted: Oct 26th, 2015
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Tories promise to review controversial ‘League Table’ system for football teams

people just want the best for their season ticket moneyShadow sports minister Hugh Robertson has promised sports fans that the Conservatives, if elected, would review the controversial ‘league table’ system for football teams.

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Posted: Sep 15th, 2015
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Arsenal put Jack Wilshere on zero-hours contract

In a move thought to be the first of its kind Arsenal have placed midfielder Jack Wilshere on a zero-hours contract after running out of patience with the constantly injured player. As a result Wilshere will now be paid only when he plays for the club, a move that is expected to reduce his monthly earnings from £360K to a projected £87.19.

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Posted: Aug 10th, 2015
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Indignant Chelsea FC accuse away fans of ‘causing an atmosphere’

Furious members of upmarket Chelsea FC are to complain to the council after their quiet Sunday afternoon was ruined by singing football fans.

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Posted: May 5th, 2015
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ITV sports result spoilers to go 24-7.

TV journalists will be permitted to wander in to make impromptu sporting announcements during any programme on the 24-hour schedule.

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Posted: Apr 17th, 2015
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