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Posts Tagged ‘Premier League’

Premier League match abandoned after no-one brings a ball

Warnock's dad could take van Gaal's dad any dayLast night’s Premier League fixture between Manchester United and Crystal Palace was abandoned after it turned out that neither team had brought a football with them.

“We’re very upset”, Palace manager Neil Warnock stated, “because last season we took our own ball to Old Trafford and they promised they would bring the ball next time.”

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Posted: Nov 29th, 2014
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Premier League to outsource match production to India

‘The move will mean we will be able to hold season ticket prices,’ said a spokesman. ‘Admittedly fans will have to travel to the sub-continent to actually watch the matches, but the brands will be the same and that is what really matters.’

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Posted: Oct 24th, 2014
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Richard Scudamore challenges all women to an arm-wrestle

'Lasses, eh!?'With what is being seen as a vain attempt to garner support for his derogatory references to ‘female irrationality’, the Premier League’s chief executive has promised to prove his gender’s superiority through a series of ‘herculean tasks’. The beleaguered football boss is said to have thrown down the gauntlet to all women to try and beat him at ‘spitting’, ‘trapping spiders’ and ‘weeing standing up.’

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Posted: May 19th, 2014
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Football chairmen invest in world’s most expensive merry-go-round

roll-up, roll-up for the ride of your life!The biggest, fastest and most costly carousel in the world has been ordered by a group of ambitious football club owners in time for next season. Set in an unfairground just outside the Promised Land, the new ride will entertain some of the richest football managers from around the world between terminated but lucrative contracts. The owners have high hopes that their merry-go-round will become, and remain for several years to come, a premier attraction.

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Posted: May 14th, 2014
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Cardiff complain to League that Palace knew in advance that they were shit

Cardiff City have sent a 5-page letter of complaint to the Premier League arguing that their 3-0 defeat at the hands of Crystal Palace in early April should not stand. The Welsh club claim to have firm evidence showing that Palace staff knew in advance that Cardiff were shit. Lawyers for the relegation threatened club allege in the letter that Palace boss Tony Pulis had watched Cardiff City play in the run up to the fixture and had even watched them a bit on Match of the Day the previous week.

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Posted: Apr 19th, 2014
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