NewsBiscuit

Michael Gove has announced he’ll hand responsibility for all child abuse to private companies like G4S, Atos and Serco. Mr Gove told the media it was ‘inappropriate and wrong’ for past child abuse to be largely the responsibility of public bodies like the BBC, state-run care homes, the NHS and Liberal MP Cyril Smith.’

The Education Secretary said: ‘At a time of economic challenge it’s crucial we don’t leave child abuse to Labour-supporting BBC celebrities who are paid millions of pounds by licence fee payers. Even some religious institutions are claiming state funding for their special kind of hurting of children. Equally, the cost of child abuse in local authority and other state-provided institutions has got out of hand. That’s why teachers in Free Schools will have a freer hand in this respect. One simple form of abuse will be to deny children in Free Schools free school meals.’

Read more >

Posted: May 20th, 2014
More from Education

‘Ill people have the unfortunate effect of clogging up the health system, and they can really bring down the people in the call centre with their constant winging,’ said a Government spokesman.

Read more >

Posted: Jul 30th, 2013
More from News In Brief

Sources within government say the Conservative Manifesto for the next election will include privatisation of the moral high ground. One senior minister who preferred not to be named, Michael Gove, said in a speech at a private function: ‘For too long, the moral high ground has been seen as a free and public space, owned and controlled by the state. But the economic mess left by Labour means we have, somehow, to pay back literally trillions. America’s fiscal cliff has demonstrated how dangerous high ground can be without a sense of economic morality.

Read more >

Posted: Jan 7th, 2013
More from Politics

‘This would be a great opportunity for anyone interested in business, health care or screwing up something big without having to become a politician.’

Read more >

Posted: Dec 5th, 2011
More from News In Brief

Britain’s rail operators, the entire scientific community and 1,439 passengers were in shock today as First Capital Connect published tentative proof of their Brighton to Bedford service arriving at London Bridge 20 seconds before it was meant to.

Read more >

Posted: Sep 23rd, 2011
More from News In Brief