Rumours are spreading around Whitehall tonight that the Conservative government is about to privatise the Labour Party. The party has been in public hands since its creation in 1900 but, with morale at an all time low, [read...]
Waste disposal services in Wimbledon, operated for decades by The Wombles, have been sold off to a French consortium leading to complaints of the village ‘starting to look like a right shit-tip’ by many angry residents. [read...]
John McDonnell has confirmed Labour will bring monasteries back into public ownership if they win the next election. Thousands of monks were thrown on the unemployment scrapheap during the 1530s when Henry VIII seized their lands and buildings and sold them on the cheap to his aristocratic friends. [read...]
Secretary for Transport Chris Grayling has dropped his chin to his chest, emitted a sob and admitted defeat. ‘Northern Rail slashing daily services was the last straw. No, that was the penultimate straw – Mark Carne becoming a f***ing CBE was the last straw and now Govia Thameslink are advising people not to travel to… [read...]
Listed as having several ‘not so careful’ owners, rail services on the East Coast Main Line have been discovered in a job lot of broken capitalism; alongside Carillion, RBS and a wax-work Peter Stringfellow. The seller, [read...]
