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Posts Tagged ‘Queen’

Old lady passes 60th year in dead-end job

The 86-year-old marked her 60th year in a job which affords her no responsibility, no prospects of progression and absolutely no sense of fulfilment.

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Posted: Jun 4th, 2012
More from Celebrity



Royal Jubilee engagements causing backlog of unopened supermarkets

Supermarket giants including Tesco and Sainsbury’s have led angry calls for the Royal Family to ‘stop fannying about for the Jubilee’ after news emerged that forty fully-stocked supermarkets have been left unopened for months.

‘We’ve been continuing to expand our operations across the United Kingdom,’ said Tesco chief executive Philip Clarke. ‘But since this Diamond Jubilee nonsense started, we’ve been left with 17 stores ready to go but unopened because the Royals are all booked up reading the weather or dancing with Usain Bolt in Jamaica or sailing down the bloody Thames.’

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Posted: Jun 1st, 2012
More from UK News



House of Lords to be replaced by panel from The Voice

Sir Tom apparently got his knighthood for services to Margaret ThatcherIn a major constitutional change aimed at raising public levels of interest in parliamentary proceedings at least above those enjoyed by chaffinches on Countyfile, the House of Lords is to be scrapped and replaced by a new second chamber consisting of Sir Tom Jones, Jessie J, Danny O’Donoghue, and Will.i.am.

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Posted: May 21st, 2012
More from Arts/Entertainment, Politics



Queen to begin speeches with ‘Any Americans in here tonight?’

'All the fours, House of Lords reforms...' says her Majesty. 'Bingo', shout LibDems.Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second has turned to top stand up comedy coach Logan Murray to help her inject a bit of levity into her public speaking engagements, after a disappointingly flat performance at the Houses of Parliament.

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Posted: May 9th, 2012
More from Celebrity



Queen to ditch 100th-birthday messages after stamp price hike

‘The cheeky buggers at one’s Royal Mail are trying to charge one 60p a throw to send a quick hello to the old dears who have managed to live through the Blitz, swine flu, dementia and the NHS – they must be having a laugh with one.’

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Posted: Apr 18th, 2012
More from News In Brief