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Thames Jubilee Pageant to include celebratory whaling

Fans of old-time nautical industries are celebrating yet another government U-turn, after Environment Secretary Caroline Spelman caved in to public pressure and announced that the Diamond Jubilee Pageant will include a live demonstration of whale-hunting in the Thames.

‘Tens of thousands of people will be gathered to celebrate the Jubilee along the banks of our brownest river ,’ Spelman said at a hastily-arranged press conference. ‘And now they can cheer all the louder as we turn it a much more patriotic red.’

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Posted: May 31st, 2012
More from UK News

House of Lords to be replaced by panel from The Voice

In a major constitutional change aimed at raising public levels of interest in parliamentary proceedings at least above those enjoyed by chaffinches on Countyfile, the House of Lords is to be scrapped and replaced by a new second chamber consisting of Sir Tom Jones, Jessie J, Danny O’Donoghue, and Will.i.am.

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Posted: May 21st, 2012
More from Arts/Entertainment, Politics

Queen to begin speeches with ‘Any Americans in here tonight?’

Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second has turned to top stand up comedy coach Logan Murray to help her inject a bit of levity into her public speaking engagements, after a disappointingly flat performance at the Houses of Parliament.

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Posted: May 9th, 2012
More from Celebrity

Queen to ditch 100th-birthday messages after stamp price hike

‘The cheeky buggers at one’s Royal Mail are trying to charge one 60p a throw to send a quick hello to the old dears who have managed to live through the Blitz, swine flu, dementia and the NHS – they must be having a laugh with one.’

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Posts Tagged ‘Queen’

Thames Jubilee Pageant to include celebratory whaling

House of Lords to be replaced by panel from The Voice

Queen to begin speeches with ‘Any Americans in here tonight?’

Queen to ditch 100th-birthday messages after stamp price hike

Helen Mirren on standby for Diamond Jubilee celebrations should Queen die

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