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Posts Tagged ‘railways’

Michael Portillo appointed new RMT Union boss

Michael Portillo has been appointed leader of the RMT following a secret ballot of the union’s members. A delighted and surprised Mr Portillo said: “I think the selection committee appreciated my passion for the railways,” although the RMT later confirmed it was mostly down to his apparent ‘intense pathological hatred’ of both Boris Johnson and the Daily Mail.

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Posted: Mar 26th, 2014
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Major delays for depressives after abyss closed for essential repairs

sufferers being re-routed via city of UtopiaHighways Agency announced that the vast chasm of gloom has been closed in order to perform ‘essential maintenance work’.

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Posted: Jan 17th, 2014
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Rail network achieves Grade II listed status

‘This exciting development will preserve the rail network in its present state for generations to come,’ said proud Transport Secretary, Patrick McLoughlin.

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Posted: Jul 31st, 2013
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Train operator denies third-class plan

‘We have never petitioned anyone to introduce further classes of travel on our routes’, a FirstGroup spokesman said.

‘For starters, with first class taking up so much room on our rolling stock, despite limited take-up, where would we put it?

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Posted: Nov 16th, 2012
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Cash-strapped rail operators begin asking passengers to leave their valuables on the train

In an effort to remain commercially viable, Britain’s rail operators are to change the advice given to UK rail passengers from “please remember to take all your belongings with you” to “please leave one or two of your valuables behind you when you get off”.

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Posted: Aug 31st, 2010
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