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Posts Tagged ‘RBS’

2000 slaves to be buried alongside RBS Pharaoh

now focussing solely on pyramid schemesStephen Hester, or King Tut Tut the Third of RBS, has decreed that 2,000 former servants from the bank’s investment arm be slaughtered and buried alongside him in a specially designed pyramid.

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Posted: Jun 14th, 2013
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Royal Bank of Scotland to be sold to Betfred.com

Royal Bank of Scotland, 65% owned by UK taxpayers, is to be sold to the online gambling organisation Betfred.com, it has been announced. The exact details of the deal are yet to be revealed, but it is understood that only a nominal payment will be made to ‘take it off your hands, gov.’

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Posted: Apr 25th, 2013
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RBS ‘regrets’ investing in financial software from Fisher-Price

looking for new, more influential sponsor. like BarclaysRBS executives have acknowledged that purchasing their software and systems from Fisher-Price may have been a cost-cutting exercise too far.

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Posted: Mar 8th, 2013
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Shock as banks are caught doing what they’re best at doing

‘We apologize to all those naive customers who, following our recent spate of apologies and promises to do better, may have been misled into thinking we might be embracing honesty and all that stuff.’

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Posted: Jun 28th, 2012
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RBS say ‘glitch’ that caused credit crunch now fixed

helpful HesterThe Royal Bank of Scotland has today come out and apologised for the ‘minor glitch’ in its systems which caused it to almost crumble into bankruptcy and need a multi-billion pound bail-out from every UK taxpayer, with the possible exception of Jimmy Carr.

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Posted: Jun 27th, 2012
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