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Posts Tagged ‘Rebekah Brooks’

Cameron to give Satan ‘second chance’ as No.10 press secretary

important to have connectionsPrime Minister David Cameron has today denied accusations of poor judgement after confirming that he has appointed Satan, former overseer of hell, as his new director of communications in Downing Street.

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Posted: Jul 19th, 2014
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Queen demands pay rise as Rebekah Brooks trial ‘cost more than the Royal Family’

Following the revelation that the Rebekah Brooks trial cost £100m, compared with the £36m cost of the entire Royal Family, Her Majesty has today said that, ‘on the grounds of parity, we have submitted a demand for a pay rise, and we have decided to take industrial action forthwith in support of our claim’.

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Posted: Jun 27th, 2014
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Rebekah Brooks to get off after ‘promise from government’

Rebekah Brooks case is tipped to collapse after revelations that the British Government had promised her in writing that she would not be prosecuted. Ms Brooks barrister, Jonathan Laidlaw claimed today that she had received an email from a member of the government of the day whose identity is being protected, but who is being described as ‘very orange and holding the highest office’.

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Posted: Feb 27th, 2014
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Rebekah Brooks : ‘I Didn’t Know Genocide Was Illegal’

Rebecca Brooks has explained that she didn’t know that murder, arson, genocide, phone hacking, extortion, terrorism or poisoning were illegal until advised by her lawyers recently.

‘I thought they were just jolly japes’, she told a stunned courtroom.

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Posted: Feb 26th, 2014
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Rebekah Brooks successfully uses the ‘I knew Tony Blair’ defence

alternative Views of the WorldJust when schadenfreude, infidelity and ginger-karma appeared to have caught up with Mrs Brooks, fate and the High Court have stepped in to clear her of one of five counts of conspiracy. Her legal team attributed this pyrrhic victory to the mitigating circumstances of their client having consorted with an Anthony Charles Lynton Blair and in the spirit of Page Three were quick to make a clean breast of the matter.

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Posted: Feb 20th, 2014
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