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News In Brief

Ed Balls to be questioned over Diana’s death

God does not believe in David Cameron

Grim Reaper traumatised by encounter with David Moyes

Garden snail travels record 31.8 miles by air

Jellyfish now UKs favourite animal says survey

Cardiff complain to League that Palace knew in advance that they were shit

Abu Hamza unable to play hooky in US courtroom

Clark Kent accused of hacking Superman’s voicemail

Pistorius ‘held in contempt’ for rubbish Parker impressions

‘I thought Polonius was an intruder’ Hamlet tells prosecution

Alleged Islamic takeover of schools ‘can’t be worse than Gove’

Man living under a rock ‘bloody tired’ of Royal updates

Simon Cowell’s underpants set to rise 3ft by 2025

‘Dirty’ Fuel needs to be replaced with something ‘less smutty’ – insists UN

NHS resurrection performance slammed

US threatens Russia with more sanctions, starting with the export of Disney films

Welsh sheep ‘lack vision’ says damning report

The Verve accused of peddling inadequate flu-remedy

‘We’re better prepared for a nasty cold than ever’, says government

Nigel Evans MP: ‘Its been 11 months of hell and now my gay friends know I’m a Tory’