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News In Brief

Government to cancel at least one Battleship Galactica

Berners-Lee ‘a fake created by publicity-seeking cats’

Obama and Putin hour-long phone call was ‘gay hold music’

Self-aware autocues take over the BBC

Jack Wilshere determined to be fit in time to get injured in World Cup

Next country to be invaded by Russia during an Olympics to be named

Cockroach tells of ‘terrifying ordeal’ in restaurant shooting

Schoolboy successfully lights Bunsen burner without messing about

UK & US rule out military intervention: Russia actually has WMDs

BBC admits some town names on UK weather map are ‘made up’

UK celebrates most successful ‘tossing’ innuendo day on record

Jeremy Hunt trials new hi-tech ‘contactless’ NHS

Boy George denied England captaincy because he was ‘no good at football’

Foreigners defend jokes about Farage

Israel to make audacious bid for Putin

Coalition Olympic legacy ‘not as memorable as Putin’s’

France surrenders ‘just in case’

Eastenders confirms shocking new ‘smile’ plotline

Three-headed baby plans announced

Rebekah Brooks to get off after ‘promise from government’