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Posts Tagged ‘referendum’

Glasgow to be ‘nuked’ during Commonwealth Closing Ceremony

'That's one in the eye for Cameron!'A global audience, set to be in the millions, will witness a lavish TV spectacle combining mediocre athletics, the smugness of Alex Salmond and a ‘much needed’ nuclear deterrent. Glasgow is already committed to demolishing its iconic Red Road flats for the Opening Ceremony but has now been given the ‘green light’ to unleash atomic devastation on the remains of the city, leaving nothing but a deep-fried mushroom cloud in its place.

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Posted: Apr 4th, 2014
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‘Extremely difficult’ for independent Scotland to join EU Summer Time

Scotland’s time could be running out, after David Cameron’s declaration yesterday that an independent Scotland would be expelled from both British Summer Time and Greenwich Mean Time.

‘It would be extremely difficult for independent Scotland to join EU Summer Time’, said European Commission chief Jose Manuel Barroso today.

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Posted: Mar 31st, 2014
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Illuminati estate agents gloat as Crimea crisis deepens

safe havenskiAs the stand-off between Russia and Ukraine continues, the Illuminati are cackling with glee as their plans for world domination through manipulation of the London property market fall quietly into place.

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Posted: Mar 7th, 2014
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MOD planning ‘massive exercise’ north of Hadrian’s Wall

Och aye, the newsThe Ministry of Defence is said to be drawing up plans to ‘stabilise’ Scotland in time for this year’s historic referendum. Leaked official documents have outlined a novel plan to send ‘lots of armed goodwill’ over the border, initially into friendly territory.

A squadron of the RAF regiment, two platoons of territorials, three linguists and a dog-handler from Essex are currently en-route to Carlisle in a fleet of minibuses. Meanwhile, members of the Royal Irish Regiment are said to be catching the evening Stranraer ferry, thus enacting an elegant ‘pincer movement’.

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Posted: Mar 3rd, 2014
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Falkland Islanders vote to become Caribbean

unanimously rejected Argentine climateIn a surprise outcome to Sunday’s sovereignty referendum, 98% of Falklanders have voted to ditch British nationality and switch allegiance to the sunnier, more laid back Caribbean.

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Posted: Mar 10th, 2013
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