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Posts Tagged ‘reindeer’

Tories to stop Santa migration by Christmas

nothing at all to declare, apart from 65 million bottles of Baileys David Cameron has announced plans to curb the flood of European migrant workers, specifically mythological 4th-century Greek bishops, from invading our homes. The Prime Minister has promised to apply an ‘emergency brake’ on rotund present-givers who have been sneaking across our borders with the aid of a magical flying sleigh and a blithe disregard for passport control.

A Home Office spokeswoman said: ‘We need to beware of Greeks bearing gifts – or pretty much anyone from Eastern Europe – smelling of mince pies. We can’t just have quasi-mystical figures coming over here, parking their clapped-out reindeer wherever they want, stealing our low-wage jobs – jobs which could easily be filled by a British Druid or Boggart – and blackmailing hard-working British families into plying them with sherry.’

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Posted: Oct 20th, 2014
More from UK News



Norwegian terrorists are ‘the scariest of all’

Exhaustive studies, coupled with an allergic reaction to pickled herring, have enabled the world’s Press to conclude that there is nothing more chilling than a gun wielding maniac who can hum A-ha’s entire back catalogue. When not curing fish with detergent or showing Edvard Munch their ‘happy face’, most Western Scandinavians are killers waiting to pounce.

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Posted: Oct 20th, 2013
More from News In Brief



Santa set to replace reindeer with Toyota Prius derivative to offset environmental concerns

reindeer turned into bio-fuelAfter wrestling with the problem of methane emissions, Father Christmas has decided to replace his team of flying reindeer with an engine based upon the Toyota Prius.

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Posted: Dec 23rd, 2010
More from World News



UPS buy 40% stake ‘in Santa’

On a statement on their website today, Santa Claus Deliveries Inc. has confirmed that it has accepted a bid from UPS for a 40% stake in its distribution service.

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Posted: Dec 20th, 2009
More from News In Brief