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Posts Tagged ‘Republicans’

Republicans stand firm against learning from own mistakes

In the wake of yet another senseless accidental shooting in the US, Republicans have urged the American people not to give in to self-reflection or common sense. After a two-year old shot his mother in an Idaho supermarket, gun lobbyists have claimed that sensible gun ownership and handling must be taught from an earlier age.

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Posted: Jan 2nd, 2015
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Republicans urge American police to ‘shoot more poor white folks’

A prominent Republican has urged American law enforcers to senselessly murder innocent white people, to ‘free police from the fashionable accusation of racism’. Senator Jimmy Smithers, who represents Hotsprings County, Alabama, received a warm welcome when he suggested officers ‘git out there and kill themselves some white guys to even the score, and make it look like nobody’s getting favoured.’ He went on to recommend the victims of the suggested shootings should be ‘poor white folk whose widows can’t afford to hire fancy lawyers.’

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Posted: Dec 5th, 2014
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Obama proposes gun control for under-threes and monkeys

Barack Obama has controversially announced measures to limit firearm access for the under-threes. US citizens under the age of three may soon be limited to the ownership of four fire-arms per child, and monkeys could be left without weaponry entirely.

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Posted: Jan 6th, 2014
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Donald Trump forms his own militia

vowing to restore democracy his own wayWith US gun sales at a record high following Barack Obama’s re-election, American businessman Donald Trump has confirmed that he’s bought most of them, formed his own constitutional militia, and is planning to overthrow the US government.

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Posted: Nov 12th, 2012
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Republicans ask why rape pregnancy is God’s will but winning election isn’t

Less than a day after Mitt Romney was defeated by Barack Obama, Republicans have already started the campaign post-mortem. After agreeing that the candidate, policies, and campaign strategy were faultless, the blame was laid entirely at God’s door.

Romney strategist Karl Rove pulled no punches: ‘When God is required to do nothing, like standing by and watching a rape victim get impregnated, he excels. But when God is required to do something, like ensure Mitt Romney wins the election, he is asleep at the wheel.’

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Posted: Nov 8th, 2012
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