Barack Obama has controversially announced measures to limit firearm access for the under-threes. US citizens under the age of three may soon be limited to the ownership of four fire-arms per child, and monkeys could be left without weaponry entirely.
Posted: Jan 6th, 2014
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‘Usually the grown-ups just pretend to be scared,’ said one eight-year-old. ‘But at all the houses with Republican posters in the windows, they’ve been genuinely terrified.’
Posted: Oct 31st, 2013
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With US gun sales at a record high following Barack Obama’s re-election, American businessman Donald Trump has confirmed that he’s bought most of them, formed his own constitutional militia, and is planning to overthrow the US government.
Posted: Nov 12th, 2012
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Less than a day after Mitt Romney was defeated by Barack Obama, Republicans have already started the campaign post-mortem. After agreeing that the candidate, policies, and campaign strategy were faultless, the blame was laid entirely at God’s door.
Romney strategist Karl Rove pulled no punches: ‘When God is required to do nothing, like standing by and watching a rape victim get impregnated, he excels. But when God is required to do something, like ensure Mitt Romney wins the election, he is asleep at the wheel.’
Posted: Nov 8th, 2012
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As the US presidential election campaign enters its last days, pollsters say the result is still on a knife-edge. Whilst flag worship remains an issue for some, the electorate is split almost evenly over the crucial question or whether or not the right of people with the same number of penises or vaginas as each other to make their relationship official is any of their fucking business.
Posted: Nov 4th, 2012
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