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Posts Tagged ‘Richard Littlejohn’

Government science advisors to be replaced by tabloid columnists

The Government has made the controversial move of sacking all of its scientific advisors today in favour of asking tabloid columnists ‘what they reckon about stuff.’

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Posted: Aug 22nd, 2011
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Daily Mail in turmoil as asylum seekers admit coming to UK mainly to read Daily Mail

immigrants naturally drawn to the fashion sectionDaily newspaper the Daily Mail has today been thrown into turmoil following the revelation that they have been unwittingly encouraging asylum seekers to come to Britain. A survey commissioned by the paper had sought to prove what their readers already knew, that asylum seekers were heading to the UK as it was a soft touch, but actually discovered that the main motivation for most migrants was their love for the Daily Mail.

One respondent told the survey the harrowing tale of her escape from genocide in Rwanda. ‘One night gunmen came to our village’ she said. ‘They murdered my husband and children, and I fled for my life, but I knew that there was light at the end of the tunnel, as if I could get to England I would soon be reading Richard Littlejohn’s wonderful column every day, not to mention their excellent Femail section’.

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Posted: Jul 27th, 2010
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Littlejohn’s bile duct in dramatic escape

Richard Littlejohn’s bile duct has made an adaciaous escape through his nostril. It has now emigrated to India from where it is campaigning for the release of the angry Daily Mail journalist’s other organs.

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Posted: Jun 15th, 2010
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Daily Mail admits using random headline generator

The Daily Mail has admitted that it has been using an automatic headline generator to create its front pages since 1991.

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Posted: May 28th, 2010
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Gordon Brown: ‘We’ll put a cap on Daily Mail readers’

Uncontrolled Daily Mail readership has been ‘damaging’ for Britain and would be capped under a future Labour government, Gordon Brown has promised. ‘Some areas of our country have been swamped by waves of Daily Mail readers,’ said Mr Brown, ‘and with their alien culture of prejudice they are placing unbearable demands on the country’s normally liberal supplies of patience and tolerance.’

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Posted: Apr 21st, 2010
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