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Posts Tagged ‘Riots’

Riots as US runs out of bullets

US citizens just dar gone ran outa languageAt 1.36 Eastern Standard Time the United States of America officially declared that they had run out of ammo. The ensuing chaos has seen riots and looting in twelve major cities, as a bewildered populace struggle to come to terms with the loss of their favourite past time – shooting classmates, Beatles and ‘anyone who isn’t an albino’.

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Posted: Nov 30th, 2014
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Cameron appeals for ‘calm’ so he can at least finish one holiday this year

wearing Bermuda shorts and ready to go again at a moment's noticeDavid Cameron has today called for ‘calm’ throughout the world and at home, after yet another holiday had to be interrupted.

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Posted: Aug 19th, 2014
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Belfast needs to be ‘more ginger, gay and Cockney’

Northern Ireland’s Chief Constable Matt Baggott has said that the only way the province can have a peaceful marching season is by sporting a red fluorescent mullet while wearing a lycra onesie covered in ‘mother of pearl’ buttons.

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Posted: Aug 12th, 2013
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Nations begin traditional Christmas warfare

potential for worst nuclear winter since records beganCountries around the world have begun bombing each other in the run up to Christmas.

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Posted: Nov 19th, 2012
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Riot police helpless in face of angry, non-confrontational mob

Truncheon-wielding riot police were left helpless in Birmingham yesterday, as they attempted to control a passive-aggressive crowd who gave no indication of what they were protesting about.

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Posted: Oct 6th, 2012
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