Robin Hood, famous for his job as a ‘fiscal re-distributor’, has announced his resignation from the role having last week expressed his concerns about his job publicly for the first time.
Posted: Aug 13th, 2011
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David Cameron has announced that police will be issued with super soaker water pistols as an extra weapon in their public order armoury. ‘Heavy anti-riot artillery, such as the water cannon, is a blunt sword,’ said the Prime Minister, ‘So we have authorised the micro-artillery of the super soaker anti-riot personal attack weapon.’
Posted: Aug 12th, 2011
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‘We have to accept that we were not prepared for the consequences of our actions,’ said a senior looter in Ealing, west London.
Posted: Aug 11th, 2011
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Under new emergency powers to be revealed in Parliament tomorrow, riot police will be able to deploy a specially trained bear to disperse crowds and maintain public order. Each bear has been given strict instructions to chase arsonists, looters or anyone who just looks a bit tasty. ‘We have been more than patient with these people,’ said Home Secretary Theresa May, ‘releasing a ferocious 1500 lb carnivore into the area is the only language they will understand.’
Posted: Aug 10th, 2011
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John Ashurst, TV pundit and veteran of the 1981 Toxteth riots in Liverpool today slammed what he called the ‘highly suspect’ techniques of many of the rioters who have wreaked havoc on English streets over the last few days.
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