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Posts Tagged ‘royal family’

Royal Family to be fracked for shale gas

Exploratory abdominal surgery on the Duke of Edinburgh has exposed gas reserves much ‘bigger than first thought’. The operation, under general anaesthetic, has revealed upwards of 170 trillion cubic feet of natural gas and will pave the way for the licensing to exploit further Royals.

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Posted: Jun 9th, 2013
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Britain celebrates 60 glorious years in front of the television

June 3 1953 was a very special day for the British people. Most of the millions who sat in someone else’s home squinting at crackling black and white images of the Queen’s coronation could scarcely have dreamed that, 60 years on, this new-fangled invention would have liberated them from the need to interact with any other human being.

‘I remember kneeling on the front room in Mr and Mrs Parker’s next door transfixed by it all,’ says Norman Rice, now a sprightly 72-year-old from Accrington, who watches repeats of Last of the Summer Wine around the clock on Yesterday. ‘Of course in them days people didn’t really get TV etiquette. You just had to put up with the old dears yattering on in the background about the coronation robes and the smell of wee from Mrs Parker’s senile old grandad.’

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Posted: Jun 2nd, 2013
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‘Cambridge Bump’ more popular visitor attraction than the Gherkin

The ETB spokesman pointed out that the Cambridge Bump would disappear in the summer and sightseers would have to wait at least nine months for sight of Cambridge Bump Mark 2.

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Posted: Apr 8th, 2013
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Entire Royal family move in together to beat bedroom tax

‘We hope that this mother of all house-shares, bringing together all the royal households complete with multiple retinues of ladies-in-waiting, under butlers and corgi-wallahs, will fill the residence enough to satisfy the tax inspectors when they call.’

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Posted: Mar 13th, 2013
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Pippa Middleton’s bum ‘going solo’

‘We’ve taken the partnership as far as we can’, said Pippa Middleton’s arse yesterday. ‘I’m merely acknowledging what the public already knows: that I’m the one with the talent.’

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Posted: Jan 11th, 2013
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