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Santa to sue all householders who fail to display correct allergen info on mince pies

can't go on for another 2000 years like thisSanta Claus has said he will be suing billions of householders this year if they fail to supply him with food and drink without clearly displaying the correct allergy information. New EU laws came into effect this month that require anyone providing food to be able to supply information about the ‘14 everyday allergens’. That is to protect those in the UK that have severe reaction to certain things including nuts, soya, dairy, fish, horse, immigrants and queue jumping.

‘Over the last twelve months I have been self-diagnosed with a fashionable form of gluten intolerance’, Mr Claus said. ‘This has meant I have had to avoid bread, pastries and almost certainly mince bloody pies. I’m sure one or two would be fine, but I consumed billions of the buggers last year and not one was correctly labelled. At least now there’s a law that means I can sue their inconsiderate arses. As a result of their allergen ignorance, I had a severe allergic reaction last time and put on about 260 stone.’

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Posted: Dec 23rd, 2014
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Christmas family row starts early in North Korea

Anyone for Turkey? No? Ok, how about Iran?North Korea has announced that it has once again proven the superiority of its socialist system by having its Christmas dinner family argument earlier than any other country in the world. ‘Great Successor’ Kim Jon-un has ‘decisively pre-empted’ any potential disruption or family dissent over the forthcoming festive period by having his uncle Chang Song-thaek executed.

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Posted: Dec 13th, 2013
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