![4/13/15 12:09:06 PM -- Richmond, VA, U.S.A -- Scientists Susan Liegey, foreground, and Deborah Doyle work in a Biosafety Level 3 lab at Virginia's Division of Consolidated Laboratory Services. Photo by H. Darr Beiser, USA TODAY Staff ORG XMIT: HB 132954 Biolabs in your 4/13/2015 [Via MerlinFTP Drop]](http://www.newsbiscuit.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Biolab.jpg)
Not-so-deadly Russian nerve agent Novochok has been proven to be about as harmful as a dodgy dose of Chicken Vindaloo, say disgruntled KGB assassins. The spy agency is returning all stocks of Novochok back to the lab to be re-tested on all those who voted against Putin in the recent elections. [read...]
The defence research facility has finally revealed that the sample of nerve agent supplied by Boris Johnson was, in fact, the remains of his tiffin. Disappointingly this will mean the UK having to backtrack on its accusations and that Boris may have eaten the remains of the Novichok. [read...]
The Islamic State group have formally requested a sample of the Novichok nerve agent used in the Sailsbury chemical attack to investigate whether the deadly poison was connected to them in any way [read...]
The head of the UK’s diplomacy has helpfully likened Vladimir Putin to Hitler, in a novel attempt to defuse international tension and improve our chances of winning the World Cup. Reaching out with all the cultural sensitivity of someone who happily uses phrases like ‘piccaninnies’, [read...]
The UN has decreed that all political doctrines must be fully recyclable by 2020 in order to save global resources. World leaders will henceforth avoid wastage by returning to discarded ideologies from earlier eras . [read...]
