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Posts Tagged ‘Ryanair’

Ryanair offers budget air strikes

Ryanair today announced today that it would offer economy air strikes on extremist positions, if they happened to be along existing flight paths. ‘We get people to where they need to go,’ said CEO Michael O’Leary, ‘and if those people happen to be air-to-surface missiles that need to go up some nutcase’s arse, then we can accommodate them at the lowest price.’

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Posted: Sep 24th, 2014
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British volunteers to be weekend warriors in Iraq

Taking its cure from the British Ministry of Defence, ISIS is to form its own Territorial Army. Volunteers will fly out to Syria or Iraq on the Friday evening and return on Monday morning. To avoid Ryanair’s hefty prices for extra baggage, especially assault rifles, grenades and rocket launchers, these will be picked upon arrival in Iraq.

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Posted: Jun 30th, 2014
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Parachuting passengers into airports ‘could reduce need for new runways’

With opposition to every plan of airport capacity expansion revealed in a report this morning, the government are going to look at the last viable option on the table: allowing visitors to the UK to parachute from their plane somewhere near their preferred airport.

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Posted: Dec 17th, 2013
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Edward Snowden trapped at Moscow airport in dispute over Ryanair surcharge

‘I had a travel plan all set up,’ explained Snowden, ‘but when Ryanair heard that I was wanted by the US government they slapped a £2m enemy-of-the-state surcharge on me.’

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Posted: Jun 27th, 2013
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Ryanair slammed for outsourcing complaints department to Dublin tramp

‘At first we thought that the man on the other end of the phone was Michael O’Leary and we’d just woke him up, but further investigation revealed that it was actually a tramp in the Temple Bar area of Dublin, called Mick.’

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Posted: Nov 28th, 2012
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