NewsBiscuit

The news written by you…

Posts Tagged ‘Ryanair’

Russian Bombers to offer cut price flights to and from the UK

guaranteed to stay up better than the roubleIn a move, aggressively resisted by the RAF, the Russian Federation Air Force (Voyenno-Vozdushnye, Silly Rossii or ‘VVS’ for short) has attempted to muscle in on the lucrative budget air routes normally dominated by firms like ‘Easyjet’ and ‘Discount Flying Death Tubes’.

Using their superior reputation for customer welfare, the VVS will offer a range of services including military issue ‘nibbles’, stewardesses in camo paint and the chance to see a Tupolev Tu-95 strategic bomber ‘close up’.

Read more >

Posted: Feb 21st, 2015
More from Business, World News



Ryan Air Force contract ‘a qualified success’

Defence Secretary Philip Hammond has hailed the outsourcing of Britain’s air defence to Ryanair as generally successful, because the government no longer has to provide uniforms. Some had criticised the Ryan Air Force’s use of Airbus aircraft for interceptor roles as they can carry more crew, at the usual mark-up.

Read more >

Posted: Oct 23rd, 2014
More from News In Brief



Ryanair offers budget air strikes

Ryanair today announced today that it would offer economy air strikes on extremist positions, if they happened to be along existing flight paths. ‘We get people to where they need to go,’ said CEO Michael O’Leary, ‘and if those people happen to be air-to-surface missiles that need to go up some nutcase’s arse, then we can accommodate them at the lowest price.’

Read more >

Posted: Sep 24th, 2014
More from News In Brief



British volunteers to be weekend warriors in Iraq

Taking its cure from the British Ministry of Defence, ISIS is to form its own Territorial Army. Volunteers will fly out to Syria or Iraq on the Friday evening and return on Monday morning. To avoid Ryanair’s hefty prices for extra baggage, especially assault rifles, grenades and rocket launchers, these will be picked upon arrival in Iraq.

Read more >

Posted: Jun 30th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Parachuting passengers into airports ‘could reduce need for new runways’

With opposition to every plan of airport capacity expansion revealed in a report this morning, the government are going to look at the last viable option on the table: allowing visitors to the UK to parachute from their plane somewhere near their preferred airport.

Read more >

Posted: Dec 17th, 2013
More from News In Brief