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Posts Tagged ‘Ryanair’

Ryanair slammed for outsourcing complaints department to Dublin tramp

‘At first we thought that the man on the other end of the phone was Michael O’Leary and we’d just woke him up, but further investigation revealed that it was actually a tramp in the Temple Bar area of Dublin, called Mick.’

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Posted: Nov 28th, 2012
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Ryanair to launch ‘Dam Buster’ flights

Explaining to reporters the airline’s ‘groundbreaking dam buster concept’, Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary said:

‘We shall be employing in our aircraft the advanced technology used by the dam busters. We are ceasing to operate aircraft with fancy autopilots and the like.

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Posted: Mar 19th, 2012
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Man With No Name brings airport to a standstill

A mysterious, soft-spoken cowboy caused chaos at a Stansted airport check-in desk yesterday, thanks to a completely blank passport.

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Posted: Feb 7th, 2011
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Ryanair to charge customers for not beating them with a stick

RyanAir has announced a new service charge for customers that will give passengers the option of paying “a small administration fee” to not be repeatedly struck on the head by truncheon-wielding cabin crew for the duration of their flight.

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Posted: Jun 13th, 2010
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Budget carrier launches ObeseyJet, airline of choice for the larger passenger

Budget airline easyJet has caused controversy by launching a dedicated service for today’s bigger-boned passenger, promising roomy seats, numerous cup holders and a menu boasting the best in foil-sealed freshness.

‘All we’re doing is recognising the growing demand for wide-haul flights,’ said Sir Stelios Haji-Ioannou, founder of easyJet. ‘Our customers don’t want to be patronised by standard airlines charging them for two seats. We treat all our travellers like grown outs – sorry, grown ups. We give them one big seat at twice the price plus charges. Oh, and insulin. All the insulin they can eat.’

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Posted: Apr 21st, 2010
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