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Posts Tagged ‘Santa Claus’

Christmas cancelled as Kim Jong-Il is revealed as the real Santa Claus

The reason behind North Korea’s legendary paranoia was revealed as Kim Jong-Il died this week and Christmas across the world had to be cancelled at short notice. ‘Father Christmas is dead, we are nothing and our labours in his many toy factories have been pointless.’ Wept Kim News-Reader as she spoke to the nation.

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Posted: Dec 20th, 2011
More from News In Brief



Christian festival to be moved to avoid clash with Christmas

Satanic market forces at work‘In hindsight choosing 25th December was a mistake. We thought it would be a great time to have the festival – practically everyone’s off work for Christmas and the schools are closed. But in reality people are far too busy eating too much, getting pissed, trying to cop off at office parties and watching the My Family Christmas special.’

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Posted: Dec 8th, 2011
More from Faith



Santa Claus to step down: markets respond positively

Stock markets have responded positively to news that Toyland’s Prime Minister Santo Nicalosi, better known as Santa Claus, or Sugar Daddy Christmas to his closest female admirers, is to step down after arranging a final delivery of toys for December.

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Posted: Nov 10th, 2011
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Child outraged as parents fail to buy him any Xmas presents for seventh year running

parents 'just a pair of stingy bastards'Seven-year-old Josh Cooper was ‘angry, yet not altogether surprised’ yesterday when once again his parents failed to buy him a single Christmas present.

‘If it wasn’t for the XBox Kinect, Iron Man toys and new bike from Santa, it would not have been a very merry Christmas at all’.

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Posted: Dec 25th, 2010
More from Lifestyle



Black Santas more likely to be stopped and searched than white Santas

Figures published today by the Ministry of Justice have revealed that the police continue to discriminate against ethnic minority Father Christmases, with Santas of colour almost 12 times more likely to be stopped and searched than their jolly white counterparts.

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Posted: Dec 24th, 2010
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