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Posts Tagged ‘SAS’

SAS controversy continues over plans to replace selection march with IKEA trolley dash

Government plans to reform SAS recruitment procedure have run into a hail of criticism. It is understood that applicants will be asked to travel through the channel tunnel in under 48 hours, and buy and assemble an entire IKEA kitchen without either also buying a pack of tealights, or having a cup of tea – a suggestion which had drawn fire from human rights groups.

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Posted: Aug 10th, 2015
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Special Forces unit drafted in to cover for striking call-centre staff

An elite SAS battalion has been deployed to cover for striking customer support staff at Dyson’s Derbyshire call centre.

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Posted: Apr 5th, 2012
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Special forces units gagging to ‘neutralize’ literally anyone ahead of Olympics

The government put on a special homoerotic display of force in the capital this week, as boats loaded with heavily armed burly looking men roamed the waters of London. Sailing down the Thames with expensive looking weaponry, groups of professional psychopaths wanted to make an effort to reassure Daily Mail readers, as well as scare ‘anyone who looks foreign’, as a neurotic capital prepares to go fully hysterical about the prospect of terrorism during the Olympics.

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Posted: Jan 20th, 2012
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SAS to launch own-brand poo bags for people who pick up after dogs

‘Picking up turds off the ground, especially ones you didn’t do yourself, is never going to be a glamorous job,’ said the SAS’s commercial director, Andy McNab. ‘But when you’re carrying an SAS-branded poo bag, people might see you in a different light.’

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Posted: Apr 16th, 2011
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SAS men discovered in Tripoli disguised as Colonel Gaddafi’s tent

"everything is normal"The team of three, highly trained in the art of concealment, had been covertly monitoring the Libyan leader by disguising themselves as his tent.

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Posted: Mar 6th, 2011
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