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Posts Tagged ‘satan’

Press to be regulated by Satan

In a bid to improve the moral standards of British newspapers, regulatory control is to be handed to Satan. This is said to be something of a ‘poacher turned gamekeeper’ role for the Evil One, who cut his journalistic teeth editing the Daily Mail before taking up malevolent acts full-time in the 1960s.

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Posted: Oct 31st, 2013
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Utility boss threatens ‘eternal darkness’ if energy prices frozen

historical data shows hell still warming nicelyCentrica has warned that there is likely to be a period of ‘eternal darkness’, if Labour’s newly announced plans to freeze the cost of fuel go ahead.

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Posted: Sep 26th, 2013
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European Court rules God cannot cast Lucifer out of Heaven

The omnipresent supreme being, God, has expressed his disappointment after the European Court refused to overturn a ruling preventing him from casting out the senior radical anticleric Lucifer, commonly known as Satan, from Heaven.

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Posted: Apr 26th, 2013
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Hell to adopt austerity measures

Satan has today issued a press release warning that austerity measures might compromise the quality and severity of punishments in hell.

Costcutting measures have included halving the number of full-time employed demons tormenting sinners and turning down the thermostat from ‘burning’ to ‘a bit too hot’ to save on energy costs.

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Posted: Jan 14th, 2013
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Satan branded ‘Neighbour From Hell’

A newly arrived Isle of Wight resident calling himself ‘Satan, the Devil, the Prince of Darkness’, has been dubbed ‘the neighbour from hell by locals.

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Posted: Aug 15th, 2011
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