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Posts Tagged ‘satan’

Cameron to give Satan ‘second chance’ as No.10 press secretary

important to have connectionsPrime Minister David Cameron has today denied accusations of poor judgement after confirming that he has appointed Satan, former overseer of hell, as his new director of communications in Downing Street.

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Posted: Jul 19th, 2014
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Press to be regulated by Satan

In a bid to improve the moral standards of British newspapers, regulatory control is to be handed to Satan. This is said to be something of a ‘poacher turned gamekeeper’ role for the Evil One, who cut his journalistic teeth editing the Daily Mail before taking up malevolent acts full-time in the 1960s.

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Posted: Oct 31st, 2013
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Utility boss threatens ‘eternal darkness’ if energy prices frozen

historical data shows hell still warming nicelyCentrica has warned that there is likely to be a period of ‘eternal darkness’, if Labour’s newly announced plans to freeze the cost of fuel go ahead.

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Posted: Sep 26th, 2013
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European Court rules God cannot cast Lucifer out of Heaven

The omnipresent supreme being, God, has expressed his disappointment after the European Court refused to overturn a ruling preventing him from casting out the senior radical anticleric Lucifer, commonly known as Satan, from Heaven.

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Posted: Apr 26th, 2013
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Hell to adopt austerity measures

Satan has today issued a press release warning that austerity measures might compromise the quality and severity of punishments in hell.

Costcutting measures have included halving the number of full-time employed demons tormenting sinners and turning down the thermostat from ‘burning’ to ‘a bit too hot’ to save on energy costs.

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Posted: Jan 14th, 2013
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