‘It was a mystical experience,’ claimed Steve McClintock after finally expelling his post-Christmas turd. ‘I’m not normally a praying man, but after six big meals and no movement, I was begging to have my spirit and bowels moved.’ Finally, [read...]
One of the skiers who broke Covid quarantine to leave the Swiss ski resort of Verbier has appeared on television to make a statement. Dominic Cummings said: ‘We left becauses the snow was no good. [read...]
Iain Duncan Smith is reported to be livid today, after news has emerged that due to teething problems with the roll out of new Cabinet Office computer software, the knighthood conferred upon him in the New Year Honours list will take at least six weeks or very possibly even longer to process. [read...]
The British people are seething with jealousy towards the three types of native animal which are about to avoid the horrors of the next four months by sleeping through the whole shitfest, the spawny little tossers. [read...]
During his Boxing Day address to the nation, Prime Minister Boris Johnson praised the efforts of UK exporters to export the new COVID-19 variant to many of the country’s trading partners. ‘As you will see from today’s news, [read...]
