Taking inspiration from the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical, the outgoing FIFA president has fled over the Swiss mountains dressed as a Bavarian singing troupe. Resplendent in pigtails and lederhosen, Mr Blatter has escaped an oppressive fascist regime in search of eight-part harmonies and no extradition treaty. [read...]
To help any people who have difficulty envisaging the social distancing limit of two metres, the government has previously advised them to imagine one bed, two benches, three fridges (two, if Boris Johnson is inside one of them) or four chairs. [read...]
Dominic Cummings has decided that no action is necessary against Dominic Cummings over an alleged lockdown breach. Mr Cummings, a government aide, travelled 260 miles to the home of relatives during lockdown, while displaying coronavirus symptoms, [read...]
Prince Philip has welcomed the partial return to work of some UK sectors saying the easing of lockdown restrictions could not come fast enough. The prince said that Coronavirus distancing rules introduced by the government meant that he and the Queen had been caring for one another since mid March and they now looked forward to getting a little help from the servants at Windsor Castle. [read...]
At his latest bell-ringing gathering, town crier Matt Hancock has given details of the government’s new three-part ‘on-the-spot’ Covid-19 test. The test will give a positive, negative, or political answer within twenty minutes of being undertaken and consist of three parts: theory, [read...]
