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Posts Tagged ‘satire’

Katie Hopkins to be crucified on Good Friday to redeem sins of mankind

forgive them for they know not what they do, but if they follow my 15 point plan...The Church of England’s first female bishop has confirmed that celebrity Antichrist Katie Hopkins is to be executed on the cross on Good Friday, April 3. Against the backdrop of yet another cosmologically inconsequential but newsworthy Twitter spat, the Right Reverend Libby Lane preached that this was humanity’s last chance to find eternal salvation.

‘If my new role has taught me anything, it’s the mantra ‘Let’s try it with a woman’,’ said Reverend Lane. ‘If Jesus of Nazareth can’t save us, what do we lose by crucifying a horse-faced troll from Barnstaple? I’m certain we can find a tenuous Bible passage which foretold this. It’s never failed before.’

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Posted: Mar 4th, 2015
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Fox News anchor ‘may not have been at the Alamo’

The reputation of suspended Fox News anchor Bill O’Reilly faced further scrutiny today after inconsistencies were revealed in his claims to have witnessed at first-hand the Battle of the Alamo in 1836. According to the Washington Post, this occurred 113 years before his birth, which ‘casts considerable doubt’ on his claim to be the only primetime news reporter behind the lines there.

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Posted: Mar 4th, 2015
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Charles to take gap year before succeeding to throne?

As his succession draws nearer, Prince Charles fears that 66 years may not be enough time preparation for being monarch and is considering taking a year of ‘chilling out’ in some far-flung corner of the Empire beforehand, sleeping till midday in a cheap hostel and smoking skunk.

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Posted: Mar 4th, 2015
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Costa coffee opens branch in man’s bedroom

now having glorious mornings I was being facetious, honest

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Posted: Mar 4th, 2015
More from From The Archives



New bride threatens daily wedding photo updates until she is pregnant

bride and bed-justiceRecently married Kate Hughes, 29, from Clapham, has pledged to modify her profile picture on a daily basis until she is 12 weeks pregnant.

Initially angered that new husband Sean had not even updated his Facebook status to ‘In a relationship’, she had previously vowed to upload a new wedding photo seven days a week to remind everyone what a lucky bastard he is. Each status update would be tagged ‘With Sean Hughes’ to demonstrate online togetherness, but also suggest to a ticking biological time-bomb.

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Posted: Mar 3rd, 2015
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