‘Without George Osborne agreeing to double our bonus cap, RBS may be compelled to return to what we do best – investing in animal cruelty, funding environmental disasters and libor-rigging’.
Posted: Jan 28th, 2015
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Like all the best romantic musicals, Greece! is packed full of will-they-won’t-they tension, songs you’ll want to hear time and again, and plenty of ups and downs between the protagonists.
Posted: Jan 27th, 2015
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Cardinal Barry McKenzie has confirmed today that the project to build a replacement for Rome was way behind schedule, noting that ‘nobody suggested it could be achieved in a day’.
Posted: Jan 25th, 2015
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‘We’ve made fantastic progress,’ said a senior A&E consultant, referring to the news that the NHS was missing fewer targets than in November. ‘First we started locking the doors, then we gave everybody a couple of aspirin and told them to fuck off. Most never returned, so they were clearly putting it on.’
Posted: Jan 25th, 2015
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Following the revelation that the blue and gold braided beard on the mask of the pharaoh Tutankhamun had been hurriedly glued back on after it was damaged, archaeologists and museum conservators around the world are checking for other instances of bodged conservation.
Italian conservator Luigi Boninsegna, based at Galleria dell’Accademia in Florence, has given assurances that Michelangelo’s Statue of David remains intact, despite one or two female visitors remarking on the disappointing size of his manhood.
Posted: Jan 24th, 2015
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