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Posts Tagged ‘satire’

British Transport Police given ‘stop and spray’ powers of deodorisation

police finally doing something popular‘The onset of summer traditionally heralds a network-wide rise in reports of grievous bodily odour and unprovoked attacks on the nasal passages of innocent passengers’.

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Posted: Mar 27th, 2015
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Zayn quits 1D in protest over Clarkson

some say that's what makes them beautiful, but not manyPre-pubescent girls around the globe were left reeling from the double disappointment of their two favourite pin-ups leaving to pursue solo projects this week. Zayn and Clarkson have been long time admirers of one another, both wearing ‘mom jeans’ while singing ballads; but neither felt like continuing without the other to inspire him to smoke a joint or punch a work colleague.

Zayn Malik’s publicist released a tersely-worded statement: ‘With Top Gear losing Clarkson, Zayn felt that it was time to call it a day. You can’t be expected to sing five part harmonies about love, if the one you love is no more.’ Likewise Clarkson admitted to close friends that he could never feel the throbbing urgency of a V8 engine without thinking about ‘Zayn’s tushie’.

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Posted: Mar 25th, 2015
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UK desperately hoping America loves James Corden

People who own televisions in Great Britain are really hoping that American TV viewers instantly take to James Cordon, so much so that they selfishly keep him Stateside and refuse to sell any show he’s involved with to any non-US broadcasters.

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Posted: Mar 25th, 2015
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Have you been mis-sold a ‘freedom from prosecution’ letter?

Following the statement that letters to the IRA providing immunity from prosecution shouldn’t be considered legal, a plethora of call centres have been contacting members of the public offering to obtain compensation.

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Posted: Mar 25th, 2015
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Narnia receives scathing TripAdvisor review

it was all in the 400-page brochure, if only they'd looked‘If we wanted talking animals with a tedious moral message we would have gone to Disneyland. Needless to say, we won’t be returning.’

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Posted: Mar 25th, 2015
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