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Posts Tagged ‘satire’

Celebrities ‘too scared to die’ in wake of Savile scandal

the show must go onFollowing the controversy, many famous people are avoiding death like the plague.

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Posted: Oct 22nd, 2014
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Derbyshire destroyed as romantic hero smoulders that little bit too much

'George Clooney, and now this!' bemoan spinstersAccording to unofficial reports, most of Derbyshire was destroyed by fire yesterday following an incident in the grounds of Pemberley House, near Lambton. It appears that the owner, Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy, a handsome gentleman with a fortune of £9,000 per year began to brood out of control when taking a turn in the gardens with Miss Elizabeth Bennett, the demure yet witty daughter of an impoverished local parson.

‘With hindsight, Mr Darcy was an accident waiting to happen,’ said Commander Ray Walker of the Peak District Fire Brigade. ‘Such was the ardour of his unspoken passion that his breeches had spontaneously combusted several times before. Apparently this once forced him to dive into a lake in the grounds. Several young ladies who witnessed him climb out were later found reduced to ashes and damp petticoats.’

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Posted: Oct 21st, 2014
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Speed cameras to be replaced by Eye of Sauron

The deal will save the cash-strapped agency over £250 million, while enabling it to cover every mile of motorway. And a recent test case has shown that that observation by a malign presence that can see everything simultaneously is admissible in court.

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Posted: Oct 21st, 2014
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Cameron slams EU diseases as un-British

David Cameron has raised concerns over the quality of EU diseases and called on member states to follow the UK’s lead with such ‘splendid’ infections as whooping cough, chicken pox and scrofula. He singled out syphilis and bubonic plague as ‘shoddy and mean spirited’

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Posted: Oct 21st, 2014
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Spain snaps-up disused ‘Go Home Vans’ to rid Costa Del Sol of ‘annoying English’

Nobody expected the Spanish exposition ‘They’re just really rubbish tourists; they can’t even tan properly.’

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Posted: Oct 21st, 2014
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