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Posts Tagged ‘satire’

Chilcot inquiry delayed until after Wimbledon

Sir John Chilcot has written to David Cameron to confirm that the findings of his inquiry into the Iraq war will not be published until at least after this year’s Wimbledon. In the letter Chilcot stated that publication of the report was taking longer than expected due to ‘Christmas and all that’, then the looming prospect of a skiing holiday in Klosters.

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Posted: Jan 21st, 2015
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Manchester United to pay $200 million for Japanese IS captives

‘Negotiations were very tense,’ admitted the club’s chief executive, Ed Woodward. ‘We tried to haggle but their agent, John, didn’t seem in the mood and we needed to do the deal before Chelsea and Real Madrid got involved.’

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Posted: Jan 21st, 2015
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Lib Dems to eliminate main cause of childhood illiteracy – stupid children

another vote winner!In a bold statement of intent, Liberal Democratic Party leader Nick Clegg has set out his kid-free vision of the future. With a clear manifesto commitment, the Liberal Democrats expect to put an end to small people saying ‘I’m bored’ or ‘It’s not fair’ and monopolising all the jelly. By 2025, the Lib Dems have also promised to eradicate nose-picking in public.

A party spokeswoman explained: ‘We are not going to euthanise the grammatically challenged kiddie-winks as such. That would be cruel and, more to the point, time-consuming. We are just going to reclassify them as ‘stupid very young adults’. As such, they will be legally entitled to vote Liberal Democrat.’

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Posted: Jan 20th, 2015
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Martians make contact, complain about fly tipping

‘Have you seen Mars? Lovely open plains and valleys completely unspoiled. Until, that is, you happen upon some bit of trash dumped by a species too lazy to dispose of their rubbish properly.’

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Posted: Jan 20th, 2015
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BBC to invoice Cameron’s parents if he doesn’t attend leaders’ party debate

The BBC has confirmed that they intend to send a bill to David Cameron’s parents if their son fails to turn up for the TV debate for party leaders. The Prime Minister had said he may not turn up unless his friend Natalie from the Green Party was invited too

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Posted: Jan 20th, 2015
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