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Posts Tagged ‘satire’

Second Salmond-Darling debate to be decided by bake-off

In a bid to make the forthcoming debate between Alex Salmond and Alistair Darling more interesting to viewers outside Scotland, the BBC has announced that the debate over the pros and cons of Scottish independence will incorporate a bake-off.

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Posted: Aug 16th, 2014
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Manchester United crowds to be banned from looking at scores

"Moyes, Moyyyyess!"In a move designed to avoid discontent among fans and shareholders, Manchester United officials have taken the unprecedented decision to ban tablets, laptops and anything else that might bring about access to the league table from within the hallowed portals Old Trafford.

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Posted: Aug 15th, 2014
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Adobe to launch new ‘F*ck Off’ option

‘Users chose the ‘Fuck Off’ button over the standard range in 99% of tests,’ said a blogger for the annoying computer software giant. ‘We trialled various options, including ‘Fuck Right Off’, ‘NO! JUST-FUCK-OFFFFF!’ and the more polite ‘Off You Fuck’, but the straightforward ‘Fuck Off’ button was a sure and steady performer.’

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Posted: Aug 15th, 2014
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Crime victims urged to look less ‘victimmy’

‘We’re very busy and we really don’t need the hassle of investigating crimes against wimps who, frankly, invite it,’ a Met spokesman said. ‘When you consider how much crime is caused by people looking like victims, really we should be charging them with wasting police time.’

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Posted: Aug 15th, 2014
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ISIS celebrates becoming top lazy political analogy

anyone with other views considered 'worse than Hitler'Islamic State, the militant Islamist group formerly known as ISIS, is celebrating the news that it has officially overtaken Nazi Germany as the standard comparative device for evil used on internet discussion forums.

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Posted: Aug 14th, 2014
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