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Posts Tagged ‘satire’

Tories to rebuild Hadrian’s Wall

The Conservatives have announced plans to rebuild Hadrian’s Wall in a massive new infrastructure project that will create up to 100,000 new jobs. Project costs of £50 billion will be met by scrapping the controversial HS2 rail project. The wall is to be modelled on the DMZ that divides North and South Korea and will be renamed the ‘Thatcher parallel’.

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Posted: May 20th, 2015
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Banks to repay mortgages now inflation is negative

‘It’s the only decent thing to do,” said Mark Carney, governor of the Bank of England, after announcing that inflation had turned negative and that consequently banks will be reimbursing mortgage payments. George Osborne immediately outlined plans to reimburse savers tax paid on their savings, backdated indefinitely.

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Posted: May 20th, 2015
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Scotland invited to make its bloody mind up

there'll be a gloaming in their roamingsEngland, Wales and Northern Ireland, the other three constituent parts of the Divided Kingdom, have come together to ask Scotland if it wouldn’t mind pouring itself a nice glass of Irn-Bru and sorting its head out once and for all. This follows a referendum last year in which Scotland voted strongly against independence and a general election earlier this month in which it voted overwhelmingly for a party whose sole purpose is to secure independence.

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Posted: May 19th, 2015
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Harry calls for compulsory gardening duties for 18-20 year-olds

‘I dread to think where I’d be today if he hadn’t spent my formative years deadheading verbenas and repotting bromeliads in granny’s greenhouse,’ said the ginger-fingered hybrid.

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Posted: May 19th, 2015
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Charles ‘may have been sending letters since the 1970s’

In a newly-discovered note to James Callaghan, from 1976 the Prince of Wales: ‘Dear Jim, Please can you fix it for me that mummy abdicates before bloody Halley’s comet comes around again. Sincerely, Charles, age 28.’

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Posted: May 19th, 2015
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