The electoral mathematics behind the Referendum vote have been thrown into chaos after an impending shortage in fruit picking labour meant that less fruit will be picked and the amount of fresh fruit and vegetables the British are morally pressurised into eating needed to be recalculated. [read...]
Like a rut-ready Ram surfing a wave of pyroclastic patriotism, JD Wetherspoon announced last week that they are chopping Champagne and European booze post-Brexit in favour of bottles of Blighty’s best home-brews, including: ‘Beached Whale Ale’ and ‘Yellow snow IPA’. [read...]
Despite claiming to have found another £20bn for the NHS in left over change from the DUP, the Prime Minister has drawn up a gift list involving socks, scented candles and an ironically titled ‘self-help’ [read...]
A troop of British parcel delivery men has been sent to Japan to train their ninjas in the art of approaching buildings without being detected. Japan’s ninjas are renowned for their stealth and their silent killing techniques. [read...]
Palaeontologists have revealed that the female proto humans had developed cushion shaped curves to the spine before cushions, Ikea or Women’s Hour had been invented. ‘The over-riding belief right now is that cushions were invented to cater for the indentation, [read...]
