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Posts Tagged ‘science’

Particle physics ‘all made up’ admit boffins

what scientists know 'just incredible'Scientists everywhere have been left red faced today as it has been revealed that the whole standard model theory of particle physics is entirely fictional.

For years, billions of pounds have been pumped into state of the art labs to fund so called ‘particle accelerators’ in the hope that the secrets of the big bang are revealed. ‘It’s all complete bollocks,’ admitted moptopped lab boy Brian Cox. ‘What a scam! It’s the greatest joke the science community has ever staged and you all fell for it –suckers.’

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Posted: Aug 31st, 2012
More from Science/Technology


Tortured artist ‘didn’t produce any better art’, reveals torturer

A research study has concluded that contrary to the belief that great art is often born from intolerable mental suffering, deliberately torturing an artist can actually lead to a marked deterioration in the quality of their output.

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Posted: Jun 16th, 2012
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Safety fears as green protestors assaulted by genetically modified wheat

wheat now able to walk like a triffidThe long-term viability of genetically-modified (GM) crops has been called into question, after members of an anti-GM group were viciously assaulted by roaming wheat columns larger than a double-decker bus.

Protestors broke into the Hertfordshire field where the feisty crop is being grown with the intention of uprooting it and setting it alight, but their plans were thwarted when several bundles of wheat proved to be aggressively self-aware.

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Posted: May 27th, 2012
More from Science/Technology


Academic claims Jessie J ‘only 94% lesbian’

‘A much more precise figure for Jessie’s lesbianism is 93.759%,’ said Professor Edward Simpson of the Institute of Sensual Calculus.

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Posted: May 7th, 2012
More from News In Brief


New study adds nothing to the world whatsoever

The ‘groundbreaking’ work is expected to be of no benefit whatsoever to anybody other than desperate science journalists trying to fill empty column inches.

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Posted: Oct 29th, 2011
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