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Posts Tagged ‘Scotland’

Young Kalahari bushmen embarrassed by ‘Dad rain dancing’

For centuries, the Kung bushmen from the deserts of southern Namibia have known what to do if a drought threatened their crops: dance in clockwise circles while improvising harmonic chants on a flat place at the edge of the village to implore the sky gods for rain. Now, unfortunately they are facing both mortification and hunger as an older generation of men with two left feet try to join in.

‘It really is excruciating,’ 19-year-old goat herdsman Mpumpomelo Nujoma told an anthropologist. ‘These 40-something old fools just sit around doing nothing much all year, then when we need rain, there they are shuffling about out of synch, deluding themselves that they are impressing the village girls and the spirits of our ancestors. And considering we live our entire lives stark naked, it just isn’t going to happen, is it?’

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Posted: Sep 30th, 2015
More from World News

SNP to replace daylight savings with ‘borrowed time‏’

Scotland’s First Minister has rejected David Cameron’s insistence on a shared British clock and has proposed a move to a system where by the Scots, under cover of darkness, could sneak south of the border to ‘steal the women folk’. Nicola Sturgeon warned the Prime Minister that his days of a united approach to timekeeping were numbered or at the very least ‘moving from imperial to metric’.

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Posted: Sep 19th, 2015
More from Politics

Relieved Scottish voters finally able to get referendum campaigners to shut up

Och aye the no!‘When I was growing up nobody gave a dram o’Dundee piss about politics. Now it’s all Yes this, No Thanks that, whose oil is it the other. That’s why I’m voting ‘feck off, ye boring gobshites’.’

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Posted: Sep 2nd, 2015
More from From The Archives

Tories to rebuild Hadrian’s Wall

The Conservatives have announced plans to rebuild Hadrian’s Wall in a massive new infrastructure project that will create up to 100,000 new jobs. Project costs of £50 billion will be met by scrapping the controversial HS2 rail project. The wall is to be modelled on the DMZ that divides North and South Korea and will be renamed the ‘Thatcher parallel’.

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Posted: May 20th, 2015
More from News In Brief

Scotland invited to make its bloody mind up

there'll be a gloaming in their roamingsEngland, Wales and Northern Ireland, the other three constituent parts of the Divided Kingdom, have come together to ask Scotland if it wouldn’t mind pouring itself a nice glass of Irn-Bru and sorting its head out once and for all. This follows a referendum last year in which Scotland voted strongly against independence and a general election earlier this month in which it voted overwhelmingly for a party whose sole purpose is to secure independence.

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Posted: May 19th, 2015
More from Politics