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Posts Tagged ‘Scotland’

Murray apologises for expressing non-bland opinion

and if he ever goes on Strictly...Tennis star Andy Murray has issued a statement of apology to the British public for any offence he may have caused by saying something that was not a confused jumble of sports-related clichés in a miserable-sounding voice.

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Posted: Sep 25th, 2014
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‘Actually we won,’ claims SNP

‘Truth is, we ran rings around them Sassenachs,’ he said in a confidential briefing, about to be published in Wikileaks. ‘We didnae want full independence – that was just a negotiating ploy. We wanted more tax powers, more oil revenue and less interference from London. We got a’ that and more.’

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Posted: Sep 21st, 2014
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MOD planning ‘massive exercise’ north of Hadrian’s Wall

Och aye, the newsMembers of the Royal Irish Regiment are said to be catching the evening Stranraer ferry, thus enacting an elegant ‘pincer movement’.

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Posted: Sep 18th, 2014
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Relieved Scottish voters finally able to get referendum campaigners to shut up

Och aye the no!After months of harassment, voters in Scotland are finally going to the polls in a last-ditch attempt to get the Yes and No campaigns to shut up and bugger off.

As the polls open after an increasingly ill-tempered campaign, the sense of relief among ordinary Scots is palpable. ‘I’m just glad it’s all over and I can get mah country back,’ said a tearful voter in Anstruther.’When I was growing up nobody gave a dram o’Dundee piss about politics. Now it’s all Yes this, No Thanks that, whose oil is it the other. That’s why I’m voting ‘feck off, ye boring gobshites’.’

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Posted: Sep 17th, 2014
More from Politics



Scotland missing; CIA snatch squad suspected

Alec Salmond also nowhere to be seenScotland has been arrested by the CIA for aiding and abetting terrorists and has been spirited away to a secret interrogation centre.

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Posted: Sep 16th, 2014
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