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Posts Tagged ‘Scotland’

UK starts advertising for Scotland’s replacement

Your place or mine? Actually, mine.In the aftermath of Alex Salmond shouting Alistair Darling into submission, the remaining parts of the British Isles have resigned themselves to the fact that its time ‘to move on’ and start seeing other countries.

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Posted: Aug 26th, 2014
More from UK News



Second Salmond-Darling debate to be decided by bake-off

In a bid to make the forthcoming debate between Alex Salmond and Alistair Darling more interesting to viewers outside Scotland, the BBC has announced that the debate over the pros and cons of Scottish independence will incorporate a bake-off.

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Posted: Aug 16th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Critically acclaimed street performer actually ‘pissed angry dosser’, says Fringe

Fringe Festival organisers have confirmed today that a man who has been delighting tourists on Edinburgh’s High Street is not an ‘artsy street performer’, but actually a local homeless man with alcohol issues and an aggressive personality disorder.

The clarification comes after the Guardian gave the man, known locally as ‘Mad Davie’, a five-star review. ‘Street theatre doesn’t get any better than this’, claimed critic Fenton Barnes in the misguided and widely-read review. ‘The boorishness of Mad Davie’s performance is a wonderful counterpoint to all that is going on around him – in Mad Davie’s hands being told to ‘eff off back where ye come from’ – is truly exhilarating.

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Posted: Aug 5th, 2014
More from Arts/Entertainment



Scottish Health Ministry warns against eating raw Mars Bars

Scottish Health ministry officials today issued an urgent report highlighting the growing risks from eating uncooked Mars Bars, claiming that the habit seems to have been introduced by visitors and immigrants from the south, who seem to be unaware of how the Mars Bar should be prepared for consumption.

‘A raw Mars Bar can contain up to five grams of saturated fat’, a Glasgow-based nutritionist confirmed, ‘which is way too little for our digestive systems to cope with. Deep frying it in lard is essential to ensure the healthy goodness of the bar slides effortlessly through the stomach and is absorbed in the lower intestines.’

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Posted: Aug 4th, 2014
More from Health



MOD planning ‘massive exercise’ north of Hadrian’s Wall

Och aye, the newsThe Ministry of Defence is said to be drawing up plans to ‘stabilise’ Scotland in time for this year’s historic referendum. Leaked official documents have outlined a novel plan to send ‘lots of armed goodwill’ over the border, initially into friendly territory.

A squadron of the RAF regiment, two platoons of territorials, three linguists and a dog-handler from Essex are currently en-route to Carlisle in a fleet of minibuses. Meanwhile, members of the Royal Irish Regiment are said to be catching the evening Stranraer ferry, thus enacting an elegant ‘pincer movement’.

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Posted: Mar 3rd, 2014
More from UK News