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Posts Tagged ‘Scotland’

Critically acclaimed street performer actually ‘pissed angry dosser’, says Fringe

Fringe Festival organisers have confirmed today that a man who has been delighting tourists on Edinburgh’s High Street is not an ‘artsy street performer’, but actually a local homeless man with alcohol issues and an aggressive personality disorder.

The clarification comes after the Guardian gave the man, known locally as ‘Mad Davie’, a five-star review. ‘Street theatre doesn’t get any better than this’, claimed critic Fenton Barnes in the misguided and widely-read review. ‘The boorishness of Mad Davie’s performance is a wonderful counterpoint to all that is going on around him – in Mad Davie’s hands being told to ‘eff off back where ye come from’ – is truly exhilarating.

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Posted: Aug 5th, 2014
More from Arts/Entertainment



Scottish Health Ministry warns against eating raw Mars Bars

Scottish Health ministry officials today issued an urgent report highlighting the growing risks from eating uncooked Mars Bars, claiming that the habit seems to have been introduced by visitors and immigrants from the south, who seem to be unaware of how the Mars Bar should be prepared for consumption.

‘A raw Mars Bar can contain up to five grams of saturated fat’, a Glasgow-based nutritionist confirmed, ‘which is way too little for our digestive systems to cope with. Deep frying it in lard is essential to ensure the healthy goodness of the bar slides effortlessly through the stomach and is absorbed in the lower intestines.’

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Posted: Aug 4th, 2014
More from Health



Irn Bru revenue siphoned off to fund the English economy

made from girders, Scottish girdersScottish nationalists are outraged at the disclosure that the revenue from Irn Bru is being siphoned off over the border. In secret moves by the Conservatives and Liberal Democrats, an order was made in 2012 making the land upon which Irn Bru production plants operate, English territory.

It is estimated that 15% of Irn Bru revenue will now end up in English coffers unless Scottish Independence can overturn the act.

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Posted: Feb 25th, 2014
More from UK News



Scotland to adopt the Peso

Salmond has hoped to establish a trade agreement known colloquially as ‘The Guano Treaty’, whereby Scotland is to exchange whisky for fertiliser, he also believes that there can be a profitable trade to supply residents of the Atacama with Scottish Water.

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Posted: Feb 19th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Scotland’s future uncertain after border with England stolen

'Och no, it was way lower than that'The outcome of the campaign for Scottish independence has been thrown into doubt following reports that the border between Scotland and England has been stolen.

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Posted: Dec 9th, 2013
More from UK News