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Posts Tagged ‘Scottish independence’

Relieved Scottish voters finally able to get referendum campaigners to shut up

Och aye the no!After months of harassment, voters in Scotland are finally going to the polls in a last-ditch attempt to get the Yes and No campaigns to shut up and bugger off.

As the polls open after an increasingly ill-tempered campaign, the sense of relief among ordinary Scots is palpable. ‘I’m just glad it’s all over and I can get mah country back,’ said a tearful voter in Anstruther.’When I was growing up nobody gave a dram o’Dundee piss about politics. Now it’s all Yes this, No Thanks that, whose oil is it the other. That’s why I’m voting ‘feck off, ye boring gobshites’.’

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Posted: Sep 17th, 2014
More from Politics



Ill-informed Cumbrians readying for Scottish invasion

fears that reserves of Kendal Mint cake could fall into enemy handsAn eery silence has descended on Cumbria. The people are edgy, suspicious. Violence erupts in odd little bursts – a chip-shop owner advertising ‘deep fried anything’ is publicly flogged as a sympathiser; a man is stoned for telling a Billy Connolly joke.

Thousands are fleeing to the safety of Carlisle’s walls. Others are on the hilltops, eyes scouring the horizon, preparing to light the beacons at the first sign of ‘Men in Skirts’.

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Posted: Sep 15th, 2014
More from UK News



Poundland warns Scots about the price of independence

The Chief Executive of Scotland’s premier purveyor of luxury foodstuffs, Poundland, has joined in the referendum debate. CEO Mr. John Bull has been lobbying Downing Street to relent over their hard line stance about currency union in the wake off a ’yes’ vote in next week’s referendum, but with little success.

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Posted: Sep 13th, 2014
More from News In Brief



UK ‘revenge porn’ threat if Scotland walks

In a last desperate ploy to save its marriage, the UK has posted a veiled threat on Facebook to publish ‘candid pictures’ of Scotland, unless they pull back from separation. The pictures, said to feature the feisty northern lass in various stages of undress, were taken several years ago when the union was a ‘happy affair’.

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Posted: Sep 11th, 2014
More from News In Brief



‘Not Sure’ campaign stages late comeback in lead-up to referendum

After support for the ‘Not Sure’ campaign in the Scottish referendum fell to an all time low of 7%, a recent poll now shows a late surge to 23%.

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Posted: Sep 10th, 2014
More from News In Brief