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Posts Tagged ‘Scottish independence’

UK starts advertising for Scotland’s replacement

Your place or mine? Actually, mine.In the aftermath of Alex Salmond shouting Alistair Darling into submission, the remaining parts of the British Isles have resigned themselves to the fact that its time ‘to move on’ and start seeing other countries. To this end, the Foreign Office has put out a series of classified ads asking for those interested in love, union and a ‘B&D parliamentary system’.

The exact wording of the full advert mentions a ‘long-term business arrangement’ but also, in what is seen as a veiled dig at the Scots, a request for someone who is ‘…well endowed, drug and disease free’. However, contrary to their own protestations, the UK has clearly not obtained ‘full closure’; welcoming applications from a ‘chubby, argumentative red head.’

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Posted: Aug 26th, 2014
More from UK News

Scottish voters urged to consider Salmond’s ‘big pleading eyes’

In a last-ditch attempt to swing the vote in the Scottish independence referendum , the ‘Yes’ camp has launched a series of posters and television advertisements sponsored by the RSPCA.

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Posted: Aug 10th, 2014
More from Politics

Cameron outlines plans to cut Scottish immigrants’ benefits

David Cameron has given details today of proposals to restrict the amount of benefits that Scottish immigrants to the UK can claim should Scotland vote for independence next year. Under the plans Scots would have to live in the UK for three months, stop pretending that Irn Bru’s better than Coke and change their ringtone to Swing Low Sweet Chariot before becoming a burden on the welfare state.

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Posted: Nov 30th, 2013
More from News In Brief

Salmond stonewalls Hadrian queries

Amid fears that MPs are gerrymandering the Independence Referendum, stonemasons have begun restoration work to Hadrian’s Wall. As one concerned voter said: ‘They’re lumping us Scots together with the most undesirable parts of England. Who’s even heard of Dudley?’

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Posted: Oct 22nd, 2013
More from News In Brief

UK can ‘basically pack up now’ after Qatada deportation, Murray win

The prime minister David Cameron has suggested that, after Abu Qatada’s deportion and now Andy Murray’s Wimbledon victory, the United Kingdom has completed everything that was left to do and can now pack up and go home.

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Posted: Jul 8th, 2013
More from News In Brief