Google-ThoughtAsMuch will effectively censor alternative views and second opinions. ‘Designed for the busy opinionate who hasn’t got time to think about things, Google-ThoughtAsMuch will make sure that your preconceptions are never challenged,’ runs the press release.

Eric Schmidt, CEO of Google, added, ‘ With a single mouse click you can confirm your preconceived opinions are shared by hundreds of other websites’. One of the beta testers, Sarah Palin, had a chance to use the programme yesterday to test her suspicion that Obama was a Muslim terrorist. She found her opinion to be perfectly corroborated by dozens of high-traffic websites.

Through deployment of algorithms, Google works out the source of your fears, and matches them to the appropriate comforting version of events. The blogosphere and online forums will be heuristically searched for credible sources of anonymous postings.

Google-ThoughtAsMuch will also include an ‘I blame the…’ drop-down menu of nations, ethnic types, political parties and celebrities. For example, a user can select ‘I blame the United States for 9/11′, and instantly numerous credible-looking websites will appear substantiating your assertion.

However some critics have suggested the new service is an insidious spy programme designed by Google to accumulate personal details on potential customers and political dissidents which could be sold on to sinister groups like the CIA, Mossad and Amazon.com. Although this accusation initially seemed a little outlandish, it was immediately confirmed by checking dozens of obscure websites and blogs across the internet.

Collectively written by

Dumbnews, Zadok and Oxbridge

Ken Google, whose hard work and long hours made him a household name to the worldwide online community has resigned from single-handedly running the Google search engine, citing ‘overwork and increasing disillusion with the public use of the internet’ as his reasons.

Mr Google, 43, had been the power behind the ‘www.google.com’ website since 2001. ‘It started as a bit of a hobby, but it just got out of hand’ he explained. Ken often found himself working 23 hour shifts from his one-bedroom flat in Stafford town centre looking things up at lightning speed in an extensive collection of encyclopedias, dictionaries and 1960s ‘I-Spy’ handbooks. ‘I used to get a real buzz out of being the most efficient person on the net’, he said this morning. Terry Yahoo and I used to have this friendly rivalry going, and we’d meet every other Friday for a couple of pints at the Kings Arms and discuss some of our favourite searches.’

‘But it got a bit more than I could cope with. And there are only so many times you can put together the possible links for ‘Pamela Anderson’ and ‘Bosoms’,’ He went on to explain how irritating he now finds the vast majority of today’s searches. ‘People used to want to know whether millipedes really had a thousand legs, and why ropes on a boat are called sheets; all sorts of interesting things. Now I spend most of my time trying to locate spare hubcaps for Vauxhalls, or finding pictures that verge on the distressing.’

Improvements in technology mean that internet searches can now be undertaken automatically by computers and so there is little demand these days for the skills of people of Ken Google or the Alta-Vista brothers. The ‘Google’ brand name with continue without Ken, although he was always so busy answering internet enquiries that he never took the trouble to establish ownership of the brand. ‘But I did have the foresight to stipulate that if anyone ever wanted to use my name without me, they would have to pay me three hundred pounds. Clever eh?’