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Posts Tagged ‘secret service’

James Bond pulled from Olympics promo as ‘license to kill’ found to have expired

It transpires that his ‘license to kill’ expired in 1995, meaning he has technically committed 384 murders in the intervening period.

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Posted: Apr 4th, 2012
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James Bond resigns from MI5 citing ‘too much paperwork’

ready to killJames Bond, the secret agent formerly known as 007, has resigned from MI5, citing excessive paperwork, political correctness and boring villain’s lairs as making his life as a government assassin unbearable.

‘When I started out as a hired killer for the UK goverment, I was given a gun and allowed to take out anyone I liked. I fought the real super-villains, who built rocket launching sites inside volcanoes, supertankers that swallowed submarines, space stations and the like – most of them with monorails. On the way, I could have unprotected sex with any woman I fancied. But the assassination of Osama bin Laden shows how frustrating having a license to kill has become.’

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Posted: May 19th, 2011
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US Navy SEAL banned from hide-and-seek competitions for ‘unsportsmanlike conduct’

now disappearing 'long-time'The World Hide-and-Seek Federation has taken the unprecedented step of handing a lifetime ban to US Navy SEAL Lance Johnson following an incident in Pakistan last week which led to the death of the then hide-and-seek world record holder, Osama bin Laden.

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Posted: May 8th, 2011
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Quantum physicists blame police for death of MI6 agent

Quantum physicists have blamed the recent death of an MI6 agent found stuffed inside a large canvas bag on the investigator who opened the bag.

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Posted: Sep 14th, 2010
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James Bond ‘disappointed with only an MBE’

Bond to collect his honour at the Palace alongside Hull’s longest serving dinnerlady.

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Posted: Feb 3rd, 2008
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