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Posts Tagged ‘sex’

Voters have 24 hours left to touch me, cautions Clegg

Kingmaker, don't ya know...In a stark warning to the British electorate, the Deputy Prime Minister has made it clear that we have only one day left to ‘run our fingers through his hair’.

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Posted: May 6th, 2015
More from Politics



Cameron ‘can only have sex once before election’

Samantha Cameron has accused the Prime Minister of running scared after he told her that he would only be available to have sex with her once in March for a single 90-minute session before the election a rather than the three bouts she had proposed.

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Posted: Mar 5th, 2015
More from News In Brief



Government proposes post-coital smoking ban

'Yeah baby!' actually 'No baby'Heterosexual couples who light up after sex will face hefty fines under a proposed new law to protect unborn children. The latest scientific research has indicated that after orgasm, smoking can impede sperm-rich semen in its journey towards the cervix, slowing it down by an average of 1.2 miles per hour.

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Posted: Feb 13th, 2015
More from Science/Technology



‘Fifty Shades effect’ blamed for rise in stupid bullsh*t

and now, a word from our sponsors...Media analysts are warning that the impending release of the film ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ could lead to a sudden spike in spurious, made-up tosh in newspapers that could be used as an excuse to print a picture of a half-naked woman tied up and blindfolded in order to sell a few extra copies.

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Posted: Feb 12th, 2015
More from Arts/Entertainment



Impotent man has best kept house on street

Roger Jameson, a 57-year-old chartered surveyor from Ryde in the Isle of Wight, who has been suffering with impotence for the last four months, has recently thrown himself into a frenzy of DIY and household chores in an attempt to hide the problem from his ‘delighted’ wife Sheila, 55.

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Posted: Aug 12th, 2014
More from Isle of Wight News